


Starboys

by orphan_account



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Dan likes the stars, M/M, Phil likes everything
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-01 17:32:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 36,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8632240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dan has a mind darker than any blackhole. Phil is filled with optimism brighter than any sun.  
Maybe Dan doesn't want to spend his existence alone. 
 
(i promise this will all make more sense later)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> lol this is the first fic i've written for this fandom (i hate myself) 
> 
> this originally started as an idea after reading [this](http://lunarlore.tumblr.com/post/98336180125/my-favorite-college-experience-is-when-i-had-a-7am) post and somehow manifested into this disaster... enjoy.

Not for the first time that semester (or that morning really), Dan cursed the day he decided to study a law degree at university. The sun had barely managed to peak its head out from behind the towering buildings of Manchester’s city and Dan was already racing around his dorm room in a tizzy. He had one sock on and his laptop charger tangled around his legs as he stuffed random bits of paper with unintelligible writing on them into his bag; rushing to be on time to his 7am lecture that started in approximately eight minutes. 

With his shoes in his hand and the strap of his bag flung over one shoulder, Dan tucked his laptop under his arm and fled his room. He ran down the corridor of the dorm rooms, the bag jostling on his back and his unwashed and un-brushed hair falling into his eyes. Dan swore to himself as he stepped out of the building at the same moment the sky decided to open up and release a downpour of rain; heavy, cold raindrops dampening the pavement, not to mention Dan’s already dampened spirits. It was too late to turn back and get an umbrella, so with his hands full of his shoes, laptop and his bag that had slid off his shoulder and was now nestled in the crook of his elbow, Dan reached down and ripped the sock off his foot. He knew he was going to be late, but he would be damned if he had to run across campus with one soggy sock. There was nothing worse that soggy socks. He shoved his laptop into his bag and wrapped his coat around it, swaddling it like a baby to hopefully protect it from the rain and scooped up his shoes. He took one last deep breath, tucked his chin into his chest and made a run for it. 

~*~

To his surprise, Dan made it to his class before his professor. Soaked to the bone and shivering like mad, but he’d made it. He flopped down into a fold down chair towards the back of the room, two seats in from the isle. He unwrapped his jacket from his bag and draped it over the seat to the left of him to hopefully dry it out a bit and sighed a breath of relief to find his laptop dry inside his bag. A few of the bits of paper stuck to his laptop as he dragged it out and booted it up, the writing a little smudged and even less legible than before. Dan tucked his knee up to his chest as he pulled on his socks that managed to also stay mostly dry, followed by his shoes. Once he was finished, he pushed the few sporadic ringlets of hair that dripped water onto his nose out of his eyes and lounged back in his seat with a sigh. 

It was only now that Dan was sitting still waiting for his professor as the last of the students dwindled in from the horrendous weather outside, that Dan realized how tired his lack of sleep and early morning start had made him. He rubbed his eye with the back of his hand and forced down a yawn, wishing he’d had enough time to at least down some sort of energy drink. The professor entered the room and the quiet murmuring that was going on between the students instantly silenced. 

“Good morning everyone!” The professor yelled louder than necessary, looking out to the sea of faces of his sleepy students, his grey moustache rising as he plastered on a fake smile, one that made Dan very nervous. 

“I know it’s early, but I expect every one of you to be giving me your undivided attention. Are we cle–” The professors speech was interrupted by a loud slam from the back of the room. 

Everyone’s eyes, including the professor’s, turned to look at the awkward figure standing at the door with one hand still on the handle and the other holding a cup of take-away coffee with a can of Monster energy drink balanced on the lid. Being close to the back of the room, Dan could see the man’s face screwed into a cringe, his blue eyes wide behind thick framed glasses that balanced on the hook of his nose. 

“Late again, Mister Lester?” The professor snarled from the front of the room. 

The latecomer raised his cup slightly, turning his wince into a sheepish grin, “Yup. Sorry!” He called back, lowing his cup again. 

“If you wouldn’t mind taking a seat, I’d like to begin the lesson.” The professor basically spat venom at him and Dan couldn’t help but feel a little sympathetic as the student ducked his head and quickly sat down in the seat at the end of Dan’s row. 

With only one seat separating them, Dan watched, as did many other students, as he began to unpack his stuff, almost knocking both of his drinks onto the floor in his haste and making quite a lot of unnecessary sounds. Once he had his sticker-decorated laptop ready on the tray table, he finally directed his attention back to the professor who was still watching him and looking very unimpressed. 

“Whenever you’re ready.” He flashed another cheeky grin down at their teacher and Dan had to bite back his own smirk as he watched the professor’s face turn a deep shade of pink, his eyes scowling behind large glasses. 

Dan tried to focus on the lesson at hand, but there was a lot of ruffling sounds coming from the person next to him and he couldn’t help but sneak a glance over to culprit. The man was pulling more and more crap out of his bag, chocolates and pencils and packets of crisps and a phone charger and a Pac-Man keychain and other miscellaneous junk. Dan watched as he ripped open the packet of chips and shoved a few into his mouth before he noticed Dan was looking at him. He stopped chewing for a moment, staring back at Dan’s slightly amused face like a deer caught in the headlights, before he smiled around a mouthful of half chewed crisps and offered the bag over to Dan. 

Dan’s amusement turned into a full-blown smile as he declined the offer with a shake of his head. The other guy shrugged and took another handful of crisps,

“Philip, if you don’t mind, I am trying to teach your peers a valuable lesson!” The professor all but screeched, snapping Dan’s attention back to him. 

“I haven’t had breakfast. What’s the big deal?” The man, Philip, answered back, raising his hands up in innocence. 

“The big deal is that you’re distracting everyone with your ungodly chewing. Zip it.” Dan had never seen anyone’s face look more like a tomato than in that moment. 

“Fine.” Philip surrendered and shoved the crisps back into his bag. 

Dan turned back to the front of the class still slightly bemused and was able to concentrate for a whole of two minutes before there was another sound from beside him. Never being one to resist temptation, Dan snuck a peak. Philip had his cup of coffee in one hand and his can of Monster energy drink in the other, weighing up his choices. 

“Coffee is nice and warm.” Philip said to himself and Dan felt his smile stretch wider. “Monster has a lot more sugar and is guarantied to keep the brain-juices flowing.” 

Dan pulled a face at the analogy, but continued to watch with great interest as the man had an inner battle deciding which drink to have first. After a long think and many amusing facial expressions on Philip’s part, he popped the lid off his coffee and had a large swig, then one more before he opened the can of his energy drink. Dan watched in silent horror as he poured the bright yellow liquid of the Monster into his coffee cup before placing the lid back on. Philip took a deep breath and Dan watched transfixed as he bought the cup up to his mouth, but before his lips touched the rim he whispered, 

“I’m going to die.” He then turned to Dan with a face as serious as stone and said “Tell my mother I love her.” Before he tipped the cup up and downed the whole thing. 

Dan sat astonished. Grossed out and a little impressed, but astonished as Philip slammed down the paper cup onto his tray table with not a drop left inside. Philip made a disgusted face, scrunching his nose and opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water.

“That is truly disgusting.” Dan informed him while still sounding a little amazed. 

Philip nodded, “Yep, no, I agree. Bad decision.” His black hair fell into his eyes as he shook his head, trying to rid his mouth of the taste, his hands flailing. “I’m not going to sleep for days.” 

Dan breathed out a laugh, not because what he said was particularly funny, but more because he couldn’t believe that this guy was an actual person. With his bright blue graphic t-shirt and toothy smile and the amount of random crap he’d filled up the seat between them with, it was hard to believe he was even real. 

“I’m Phil, by the way.” Phil held out his hand, snapping Dan out of his thoughts. 

“Oh. Yeah, Dan.” He shook Phil’s hand and gave him a small smile.

“Are you new in this class?” Phil queried, speaking quietly as to not disturb the slideshow the professor was giving on environmental law.

“Uh, no.” Dan quickly looked at Phil before focusing back on the projection, scribbling down some notes. “I’ve been here for the whole semester.” 

“Really?” Phil said louder than before, making Dan smile automatically. “Why have I never seen you, then?” 

Dan watched as Phil reclined back in his seat, crossing his ankles on the chair in front of him, his odd socks peaking out from under the cuff of his black jeans. “I usually try to make myself invisible, you know. But, you are making that very hard when the professor keeps looking up here.”

Phil chuckled, “What’s he going to do? Throw us out?” 

No sooner than he finished his sentence the professor’s voice boomed around the room. “That’s it! Philip Lester, get out of my classroom!” 

Phil’s eyes went comically wide behind his glasses and he looked like he was trying to suppress laughter while their teacher glared daggering in their direction. 

“But sir,” Dan tried to protest as Phil began collecting his things, still looking much too amused considering he’d just been thrown out of the class. “He was just explaining something to me–”

“No, I don’t want to hear it. I warned you. Philip you can take your buddy with you. I don’t want either of you in my class.” Phil’s face dropped then and he looked back between Dan’s shocked face and the processor’s furious one. 

“No, really sir, it’s not his fault.” Phil stood up while Dan sat in shame, feeling every pair of eyes on him, the weight of everyone’s gaze heavy enough to anchor him to his seat. 

“I said out!” Dan jumped that time. He shimmied his laptop into his bag and ripped his jacket off the back of the seat, pushing past Phil on his way out of the lecture room, fighting back the frustration that burned at the back of his eyes. 

He heaved open the heavy door at let it slam shit behind him, flinging his backpack on and stomping away like a child. The door opened again behind him and he could hear Phil calling his name, but Dan didn’t turn around until he felt a hand grab his elbow. Dan spun to face the kid who got him kicked out of the only class he really needed to pass, his eyes narrowed into slits. 

“Dan, I’m sorry. I didn’t know he would take it out on you too. I swear, I’m sorry.” Phil still had a hold of his arm and Dan winched it out of his grip. 

“It’s fine.” He said in a tone that made it clear it was anything but fine. “I never even wanted to finish my law degree. I loved having wasted two years of my life sucking up to that prick only to be thrown out because you couldn’t shut your damn mouth.” 

Dan turned on his heal and continued to stalk away, shucking his bag higher up on his shoulder. Phil called after him again, but Dan kept walking. This is why Dan stayed invisible; people only ever let you down. He was doing fine until he had to engage in conversation with this lanky glasses-wearing dork and look where that got him; a lesson behind in the hardest subject he was taking. Dan was furious and could have punched Phil when he jumped out in front of him, almost knocking them both over. 

“I’ll talk to him, alright? It’ll be fine.” Phil tried to reassure him, his hands braced on both of Dan’s shoulders. 

“Yeah, right. Why would he listen to you? You’re the one who just got us kicked out of his class!” 

“I’ll make him listen.” Phil said quieter this time, sighing as he let go of Dan’s shoulders, his hands falling to his sides. “He’s my dad.”

“Your dad?” Dan questioned, still feeling angry and slightly damp from his run in the rain that morning. 

“Yeah. The resemblance in uncanny, right?” Phil turned to the left and flashed a huge grin. Dan was not amused. 

“You’re not funny.” He informed him and Phil dropped his smile instantly. 

“Look, if it’s really that important to you, I can help you study. I’ve sat in on that class like a hundred times and I have the lesson plan basically burned into the back of my eyeballs.” Phil almost hit Dan in the face with the amount of gesticulating he was doing. 

Dan regarded Phil for a moment. Phil smiled sweetly and batted his eyelashes. “Fine, but first I need to have breakfast. I’m starving.” 

Phil skipped alongside Dan as they made their way out of the building and Dan was relived to see the downpour had eased up to nothing more than a slight drizzle. Dan ignored Phil for the majority of their trip, which was more difficult that he would have originally thought, with Phil all but dancing circles around him and vibrating with sugar and caffeine buzzed energy. He ducked into a small campus café on his way home and ordered a hot chocolate and an apple and cinnamon muffin while Phil pressed his nose up against the glass of the display window. 

Dan contemplated leaving without him, figuring he would probably be able to survive missing one class, but as he reached into his back pocket for his wallet to pay for his food, his fingers were met with nothing but empty material. His heart froze as he began to pat down his other pocket and then his front pockets, his hands sliding all over his jacket. He ripped his bag open and dug through its contents finding nothing but laptop cables and scrunched up notepaper. 

“Fuck!” He whispered before glancing back up at the girl behind the counter apologetically. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to swear. Well, I did. I think I left my wallet in my dorm.” 

The girl blinked her long eyelashes; one of her perfectly shaped eyebrows rising in faux curiosity and smacking her bubblegum pink lips together. Dan was about to cancel his order when Phil was suddenly at his side and pushing him out of the way with a bump of his hip. 

“That’s alright, I got it. And can I also get one of those chocolate croissants? They look delicious.” Phil pulled out his wallet and handed over his card while Dan watched it all unfold with mild confusion. 

Once Dan’s hot chocolate was placed on the counter and their snacks were boxed up in small brown paper bags, they both said thank you to the girl who returned a painfully fake smile before leaving the shop. 

“You didn’t have to do that, you know.” Dan mumbled as he took a sip of his scalding drink, “I would have survived without it.” 

“Don’t worry about it.” Phil answered around a mouthful of croissant. “It was the least I could do. Getting you kicked out of class and all.” 

“I suppose you’re right.” Dan smirked down at Phil and he smiled back, bits of chocolate caught in his teeth and making Dan laugh aloud. 

The rain had stopped completely by the time they reached Dan’s dorm rooms, weak rays of sunlight piercing through the thick cloud cover. Phil followed Dan wordlessly up to his room, his eyes searching each of the halls like it was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen. Dan stopped at his door and reached for his keys when Phil ran into the back of him, knocking Dan forward and making him slam his nose on the doorjamb. 

“Ow!” Dan said dramatically, giving a pointed look at Phil while he covered his nose with his free hand. 

“Sorry!” Phil apologized, reaching up to take Dan’s hand away from his face, “Are you okay? Oh, God, you’re bleeding. I’m so sorry!” 

“Are you fucking kidding?” Dan looked at red blood coating his fingers before scowling back at Phil. “I swear to God, you’re a walking disaster.” 

Without another word, Dan shouldered open the door and went in search for some sort of cloth to stop the bleeding. He found a wash cloth sitting on top of his laundry basket and Phil immediately took it from his hands, guiding Dan towards the single bed that was pushed up against the far wall. The springs of the bed made him bounce slightly as Phil pushed him down and pulled his head up by his jaw so he was looking at the ceiling. A frown settled between Phil’s brows and Dan dared not open his mouth to say anything in fear of getting a mouthful of blood. 

Phil took the cloth away to inspect Dan’s nose before placing it back, snapping his head back on his shoulders whenever he tried to look down. Phil placed Dan’s hand over the cloth and reached for a half empty water bottle that was sitting on Dan’s bedside table. He then took the cloth away and poured a little bit of water on it to wipe away the blood that had dried to the top of Dan’s lip and around his nose. 

“It doesn’t look broken.” Phil informed him. “But keep your head up, it will help stop the bleeding.” 

Dan did as he was told, watching out of his peripheral vision as Phil cleaned up the mess that he had made. 

“Why do you hate me?” Dan asked when Phil seemed satisfied with his work. 

“What do you mean?” Phil took a step back while Dan cradled his nose with his hand.

“First you get me kicked out of class, then you try to break my nose. What’s next? Did you get me alone to try to murder me?” Dan was only half joking, but Phil laughed anyway.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Phil waved him off. “Like you said, I’m a walking disaster and I can be clumsy at the worst of times. I usually can’t walk ten steps without tripping or crashing into something and when you grow up like that, you learn some tricks. Keep your head up.” 

Dan’s head lulled back up to the ceiling and sighed, “So much for studying.” 

It was quiet for a few moments while Dan nursed his injury and Phil curiously poked around Dan’s belongings. 

“You like space?” Phil’s voice was so unexpected it made Dan jump slightly.

“What? I mean, yeah. I guess. Why?” Dan could see Phil shrug before he turned to face him.

“You just have a lot of astronomy posters and cosmos books and stuff. Keep your head up.” Dan groaned, but once again did as he was told and Phil smiled amusingly. “I still have those glow in the dark star stickers on my wall from when I was a kid. I’m pretty sure they still work, too.” 

“I swear every kid had those growing up.” Dan deadpanned, lowering his head and taking the cloth away from his nose to check if it was still bleeding. There were a few spots of crimson smeared against the white flannel, but the bleeding seemed to be easing. 

“So, when do you want to get started?” Phil asked flopping down on the bed next to Dan, making them both bounce slightly. 

“With what?” Dan kept pulling the cloth away to check for blood before pressing it back against his nose. 

“Studying.” Phil said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Oh…” Dan nibbled his lip; it tasted metallic. “Maybe I should just work on my assignment today, I mean I’m sure I can get notes off of someone else in the class.” 

Phil’s face dropped slightly, but he replaced his frown with a smile a moment later. 

“No worries!” he said jumping to his feet and stalking over to where his bag was leaning up against the far wall, his smile looking almost painful. “I hope you’re nose is feeling better.”

He was almost out of the door when he turned back, “And Dan,” Dan looked up with a sigh, “protip for my dad’s class; make sure you use big words.” And with that, Phil closed the door and Dan was once again left alone.

Dan collapsed backwards onto his bed, groaning low in his throat, and, once again, cursed the day he ever decided to study a law degree. 

~*~

Dan had one more class at 2pm that day, but then he was free for the weekend; and by free that meant disregarding all responsibilities while playing Mario Cart then staying up all night Sunday to cram in study for a test he’d chosen to ignore. As he stepped out of his last lecture of the day, taking a deep breath of the smog-filled air, he was almost tackled off his feet when one of his friends rammed into him. 

“Danny!” Zach greeted, swinging his arm around Dan’s shoulders and pulling him down to his level. 

“Don’t call me that.” Dan straightened up, brushing Zach’s arm away. 

“What’s up your arse?” Zach pulled Dan to a stop, “And shit! What happened to your face?” 

“You’re mum.” Dan deadpanned, really not feeling in to mood to explain the bruise that had formed along the bridge of his nose and underneath his eyes, nor wanting to explain the blood that always seemed to be crusted around his left nostril no matter how many times he wiped it away. 

“Whatever. Listen, mate, there’s a party tonight at Lucy Rickley’s place off campus. You in?” Zach pushed his way through the crowd of students, trying to catch up with Dan’s long strides. “C’mon man, it’ll be fun. Lots of hot birds are going, I hear. You could totally pull and that’ll put a smile on your dial.” 

Dan stopped in his tacks. “If I say yes, will you stop bugging me?” 

Zach drew an X over his heart with his finger. “Promise.” 

“Fine! Text me the time and address. I’ve got to go.” Dan left without another word, but couldn’t help but shake his head fondly as his friend called out after him. 

“You’re an absolute ledge Danny boy!” 

Dan made it back to his dorm room without any further social interaction, which he counted as a massive bonus. He dropped his bag to the floor and fell face first into his bed, groaning in pain when his nose made contact with the pillow. The springs continued to bounce under his weight as he turned his head to the side and wrapped his arms around his pillow, hugging it close and breathing in deep. The smell of the washing powder he used reminded him of home and he held on a little tighter, and if anyone asked him about it later, he would lie. 

He started getting ready for the party just after 6pm, after a quick powernap and only one small fit of anxiety. After a lot of contemplation and costume changes, Dan decided on his black jeans and black sweatshirt covered with white star constellations, not unlike his normal everyday attire. The bruise on his nose had deepened into a lovely dark purple that blended in with the dark circles that surrounded his eyes. He slipped on his white converse and triple checked he had his wallet, phone and keys before he turned off the light to his dorm room and shut the door behind him. 

The latch on his door clicked shut and Dan turned in the corridor to see his neighbour across from him sneaking out of his own dorm. A confused smile tugged at the corner of his mouth,

“Alright Chris?” Dan said in way of greeting, shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. 

“Huh? Oh yeah! Fine… fine.” Chris rocked back and forth on his heals. “And you, Dan? You’re good?” 

“Yeah, I’m okay. Off to Lucy’s party, don’t really want to go though.” Dan confessed, watching as Chris’ eyes widened with delight. 

“Oh, me too! Maybe we could go together? Safety in numbers and all.” Chris cracked a smile and Dan returned it, shrugging one shoulder and nodding towards the direction of the front door,

“Lets go then.” 

Chris fell into step beside Dan and instantly started filling the space between them with meaningless conversation. Dan was perfectly polite and smiled and nodded in all the right places adding in a few _‘oh really?’s_ and _‘no way!’s_ when necessary, but let Chris do the majority of the talking. They shared a car to the party, splitting the bill between them before climbing out to face their inevitable doom. 

Lucy lived in the suburbs, just outside of Manchester city in a house that her parents definitely paid for with a few housemates. The music could be heard a few streets over and Dan would not be surprised if one of the neighbours called the police to complain about the noise. People were spilled all over the front garden, and pouring into the house. By the time Dan and Chris arrived, music was blaring and they gave each other one final look of _‘Good Luck’_ before they entered the building. As soon as the two stepped foot in the door, someone was already pushing Chris into Dan’s side, sending both of them staggering to the right and almost into a wall. They steadied themselves a moment later and Chris shot Dan an apologetic smile which Dan returned before pushing himself off the wall and letting himself be swallowed by the sea of people. 

Chris stayed pretty close to Dan’s side, obviously not knowing many of the guests, but doing his best to smile politely around the rim of the cup he’d picked up somewhere along the way. Dan spotted Zach and a few other of his university friends over in the corner of the lounge room, chanting for one of the boys to down their drink, cheering louder than the music when he crushed the plastic cup in his hand and raised his arms up above his head in victory. With a deep breath to calm himself and a mental pep-talk, Dan slid easily into the group of boys, a few of them cheering his arrival. Zach shoved and unopened beer bottle into Dan’s hands and Dan smiled weakly at him in thanks as he patted him roughly on the shoulder. Dan quickly introduced Chris to the group and they welcomed him by topping up his cup of beer with the large bottle of vodka that group seemed to be sharing. 

It was a few minutes of the boys having to shout over the music to be able to hear each other as the house continued to fill up with tipsy teenagers. Dan excused himself from the group, making up an excuse to go and use the bathroom, when in reality he just needed to get away from the ever-expanding crowd. He stepped outside and the cool fresh air rolled over him like a wave as he breathed in deep, his lungs expanding against his ribs and he closed his eyes in relief. There were a few people scattered in the small backyard of the suburban home, clustered in small groups.

The music was quieter out here and the smell of cigarette smoke wafted in thick clouds from the different groups and Dan sighed sadly. It had been too long sine he was able to breathe untainted air. He stood on the deck looking out into the backyard, taking in the patchy grass and the horribly maintained gardens, the small shed in the back corner of the yard barely illuminated by the lights from the house. The condensation from his beer made his fingers slippery as he bought the neck of the bottle up to his lips, the bitter liquid falling on his tongue and he tried his best not to wince, pretending to not completely hate the taste. Dan was alone with his thoughts, which was usually a dangerous thing, but in this case, it was nice; calming, even. 

The moment was shattered however when a body collided with his own and Dan spilt beer all down the front of his jeans. Angry, sticky and smelling of alcohol, Dan turned to scowl and possibly yell at the person who had just run into him. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re – Phil?” Dan’s retort died on his tongue as he saw a glasses-less Phil clinging onto the front of Dan’s jumper for dear life. 

“Dan?” Phil looked up, and Dan was taken aback by how large his blue eyes were even without his glasses. “Dan! Oh, thank god!” 

Phil quickly looked behind him, something akin to fear etched into his features before he was pulling Dan in front of him, making more of Dan’s beer slosh out onto the ground. 

“Stay there.” Phil ordered before Dan had the chance to ask him what was going on. With his hands still on both of Dan’s elbows and his eyes peaking out from behind Dan’s shoulder, Phil held him firmly in place. 

“Why? What are you doing?” Dan tried to crane his neck around to see where Phil was cowering behind his back, using Dan as a human shield and Phil crouched lower behind him. 

“See that guy with all the muscles looking _very_ angry?” Phil conversed naturally as if this was a totally normal thing he was doing. 

Dan quickly scanned the people piling out of the house, his eyes catching a very large, very mean looking man scowling out from the back door of the house. “Yeah… Why?” 

“Do you think he can see me?” Phil asked without answering Dan’s own question. 

Dan was quite tall, and it would have been easy for an averaged height person to hide behind him, but Phil wasn’t much shorter than him and it didn’t help that he was wearing a bright yellow hoodie. Out of pure protective instinct, Dan stood up a little taller and straightened out his shoulder’s, trying to make more surface area to hide Phil from his very potential threat. Dan took a step backwards until Phil was swallowed by the shadow of the house, while trying to look as nonchalant as possible, but it didn’t help when his heart kicked up its pace, rabbiting against his ribcage. The mean looking guy took one last glance around, making momentary eye contact with Dan before turning back and to be swallowed up by a sea of brightly coloured people. Without turning to face Phil, Dan spoke, 

“Okay, he’s gone.” Phil audibly sighed with relief.

“Thanks for that, mate.” Phil stepped to Dan’s side and gave his a gentle pat on the shoulder. “Literally just saved my life.” 

“Honestly, what is wrong with you?” Dan asked in disbelief, “What are you doing pissing off someone like that?” 

“I didn’t mean to!” Phil’s voice rose to his own defense. “I told you, I’m clumsy. I accidentally ran into him and made him spill his drink everywhere. He looked like he was going to smash me.”

“You did the exact same thing to me. Maybe I should smash you.” Phil’s eyes widened with fear before he lowered them into thin slits,

“You wouldn’t.” Phil challenged. 

“I wouldn’t?” Dan scoffed, “You’ve had me kicked out of class, gave me a blood nose and made me pour beer all over myself. I’m honestly running out of reason why I shouldn’t punch you.” Dan counted the incidents off on his fingers. 

Phil considered this for a moment before he suddenly burst out, his face a picture of delight. “I’ll make it up to you!” 

“How?” Dan crossed his arms tightly across his chest, not a hint of amusement in his eyes. 

“You like the stars right?” Dan opened his mouth to answer but Phil was already pulling on his arm, “Follow me. I’ll show you something.” 

Phil pulled Dan down to the back of the yard, in a beeline straight for the garden shed. Dan made random sounds of protest, but no real words came out of his mouth until Phil pulled him around the side of the shed and Dan felt like they were doing something they shouldn’t be. It reminded him when he would kiss girls behind the cubby house in kindergarten. But this was different. He wasn’t in kindergarten anymore and he wouldn’t be kissing anybody. 

Phil let go of Dan’s arm and started to climb up a pile of chopped firewood leaning against the side of the shed. Dan’s throat constricted in panic as Phil’s shoes slipped on the wood, but he was able to catch himself before he fell backwards; with Phil’s clumsiness track record so far, it wouldn’t be surprising if he had slipped and broke every bone in his body. Phil reached the top of the pile and was about to pull himself up onto the roof of the garden shed before Dan came to his senses. 

“What are you doing?!” He whispered furiously, still feeling like he was doing something forbidden. “Get down!” 

But, it was too late, Phil had heaved himself up over the edge of the roof and was now looking down as Dan with bright eyes and a cheeky smile,

“Are you coming or what?” He whispered back before disappearing over edge. 

Dan cursed under his breath, glancing back at the house longingly, before cursing again and placing his near-empty beer bottle on the gravel beside the firewood and began to climb. Dan had never been one for excessive exercise, but he had always been a rather competent climber, ever since he was little, and he made it to the tiled roof with only one near death experience and a splinter in his thumb. He hauled himself up over the ledge, rolling onto his back and clinging to the roof tiles for dear life, the jagged edges digging into his spine. Dan turned to face Phil who was sitting with his knees tucked up to his chest and his arms wrapped around his shins, watching Dan with an entertained smile. 

“Okay. Can we get down now?” Dan’s voice shook slightly, but he would have blamed it on the chill in the air. “Please?” 

“Look up.” Phil said gesturing to the sky. “But whatever you do, don’t look down.” Phil grinned wickedly, having must of sensed Dan’s fear of heights and Dan rolled his eyes with a scoff. 

Lying there, with the cold tiles biting into his skin through his jumper, and an annoying near-stranger sitting next to him playing with the strings of his hoodie, Dan directed his attention to the night sky above them. 

“Wow,” Dan breathed, barely aware he had actually said it aloud. It had been so long since he had been able to actually see the stars; the light pollution in the city making it near impossible, but they were out far enough that the city lights were nothing more than a low glow on the horizon. But, there they were, bright and blinking back at him, billions of light years away yet feeling closer than they had ever been. He felt his body relax and his breathing level, his heart rate soothing to a normal pace as he continued to stare, an overwhelming sense of familiarity encompassing his mind. 

“I’d love to see what’s up there.” Phil said breaking the silence and Dan had almost forgotten he was there. “Just be amongst the stars and the aliens.” Dan laughed at that and Phil smiled down at him. “But, it would be hard leaving Earth. I’d miss my family… my friends.” 

Dan considered it for a moment, his eyes tracing a satellite that drifted across the sky. “I don’t know. They say every atom in our bodies was once part of a star. Maybe it wouldn’t feel like leaving… Maybe it would feel like going home.” 

Phil made a sound of agreement before he lied down next to Dan, their shoulders touching. Dan didn’t have long to dwelling on the contact because Phil reached out and pointed to a cluster of stars,

“What’s that?” He asked.

Dan followed his line of sight, having to move his head closer to see the particular constellation Phil was pointing at, his forehead pressing into the side of Phil’s cheek. “ That’s the Big Dipper.”

“And that?” 

“That’s the Little Dipper. How can you even see without your glasses?” Dan questioned, taking his eyes off the sky and moving his head back a fraction to study Phil’s profile. 

“Contacts.” He explained simply. “What’s that?” 

“Phil, that’s the moon.” Dan laughed and Phil smacked him lightly in the chest to which Dan pouted and rubbed the spot soothingly. 

“Shut up. I was talking about _that.”_

“Oh. That’s Orion and if you look to the left you can see Gemini; the constellation for the star sign.” Dan explained. 

“Where?” Phil questioned, squinting up at the sky. 

“ _There._ ” Dan leaned in so Phil could see where he was pointing, their faces squished together. 

Phil stared for a little longer before shaking his head in defeat. “All I’m seeing are little white dots. How do you remember all this anyway?” 

“I dunno.” Dan shrugged, moving away once again so he could re-enforce his three inches of personal space. “I’ve always had a knack for it, I guess.” 

“You know what I’ve always had a knack for?” Dan tried to repress all of the sarcastic retorts that bubbled on his tongue and instead opting for a simple, 

“What?” 

“Attracting strange people. I’m like a magnet for the weirdos.” Phil looked serious and Dan and to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing. 

“Is that how I managed to find you?” Dan snickered, unable to stop himself, gesturing up to the sky, “You send out some sort of sonic bat signal and I fell into your lap?” 

“Something like that.” Phil flashed his teeth, his eyes crinkling at the edges. “But seriously, like the guy who was chasing me before and wanted to grind my bones into flour? Such a weirdo.” 

“Yeah, I don’t know why you thought I would be able to offer you any sort off protection.” Dan frowned up at the stars. “I don’t think I’ve ever thrown a punch in my life.” 

Phil shrugged his shoulders, “You were the tallest person there and I figured I could climb you like a tree if there was any sign of danger.” He said simply and a surprised laughed erupted from Dan’s chest. 

“You’re so weird.” Dan told him between giggles and Phil shrugged again, a small smile flirting with the corner of his lips. 

The boys continued to lie there for a little while longer and Phil continued to ask Dan about all of the constellations and Dan continued to explain them, drawing them out in the night sky with his index finger. He had to explain how, from earth, they would only ever be able to see one side of the moon due to its orbital period being exactly the same as the rotational period. Phil would have his next question ready before Dan had the chance to finish answering the last one. Dan got lost in his conversation with Phil, losing track to time as he explained equinoxes and solstices, using both of their hand balled up in fists to describe the effects of an eclipse, both solar and lunar. Phil listened intently to everything Dan had to say, frowning slightly when he wouldn’t understand something and Dan would try to clarify it from a different perspective until Phil understood and he could move onto the next topic of an infinite list of amazing things about the solar system, the party completely forgotten. 

It wasn’t until Dan’s back had long since gone numb from staying in the same sport for too long and the tips of his finger had started to lose feeling from the cold, that he decided to crawl on his stomach further up the roof to peak down at the party happening below them. The house seemed to be vibrating with energy, people stumbling and tripping their way out of the house and spilling out onto the lawn in a drunken mess. Dan heard movement from beside him and multiple loud groans of effort before Phil rolled over next to him, surveying the party with a mild look of disgust. 

“We’re being a bit anti-social, aren’t we?” Dan wondered aloud, watching as his friend Chris clung to the railing of the deck to stop himself from swaying on the spot. 

“Not really. Just because we’re not talking to them doesn’t mean we’re not being social together.” Phil mumbled, tucking his arms up under his chin and resting his head to the side. 

“I think I should go and help Chris.” Dan said sitting up after witnessing Chris stumble over his own stationary feet and end up face first on the hard wooden deck. 

They both shuffled to the edge of the roof and Dan was hit with a sudden realization. 

“How are we going to get down?” He asked turning to Phil who seemed to be sharing his train of thought, a worried look on his face. 

“I was hoping you’d have some ideas.” Phil replied, returning Dan’s nervous glance. 

“Okay. It’s fine. We’re fine.” Dan said sitting up and holding his hands out in front of himself as if he we’re surrendering to Phil.

His eyes darted around for an escape route and Dan’s heart race picked up when he remembered how high up they were. His hands became clammy as he gripped to the slippery tiles and he sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, biting down hard. 

“I’ve got it!” Phil exclaimed, making Dan jump and almost loose grip on the tiles. “I’ll just climb over the edge, get a ladder from inside the shed and help you down.” 

Dan liked this idea. It was a good idea; sacrifice Phil first then carefully climb down to safety. It was a solid plan. He nodded, “Okay.” 

Both of them scooted down the slope of the roof until they were at the edge, obviously opting for the side that wasn’t facing the house, the embarrassment of anyone seeing them fall would probably hurt more than the fall itself. The gutter of the roof wobbled slightly when Phil rested his hand on it and Dan felt his heart leap up into his throat. It wasn’t that far of a drop, to be fair, but it was dark and there was no way to tell what was on the ground waiting to impale them. 

Phil shuffled forward slowly until his legs were dangling over the edge and he looked back at Dan, his mild concern masked by a cheeky smile. Without another word, Phil pushed himself off the guttering and was swallowed up by the darkness. 

“Phil!” Dan whispered, leaning forward as far as he dared. 

There was a thud of Phil landing and it wasn’t followed by any agonized screams of pain, and Dan felt his shoulders relax a little. 

“Still alive!” Phil’s voice drifted up from the blackness and Dan released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. 

The sound of heavy footwork and twigs snapping followed his voice as Phil walked around to the side of the shed where the entrance was. Dan could hear the sound of metal rattling, and then it stopped. 

“Uh, Dan?” Dan carefully crawled over to the side Phil was standing on and poked his head over the edge. 

“What?” He asked, his voice still no louder than a whisper. 

“It’s locked.” Phil gestured to the padlock he was holding that was secured tightly to the door. 

“What do you mean, ‘it’s locked’?” Dan’s voice rose as anger seeped into his lungs and made his breathing a little more forced. 

“I mean,” Phil gave the padlock a shake, “’it’s locked.’” 

Dan cursed under his breath, his heart picking up speed as his anxiety began to wrap its cold fingers around his ribcage, making it suddenly difficult to breathe. His fingers quivered around the grip he had of the edge of the guttering and he bowed his head and screwed his eyes shut, drawing on every ounce of self-control he had to calm himself down. Now was not the time to have a panic attack, not when he was on a roof unable to get down, not when there was someone he barely knew watching him as he forced in shaky breaths, not when he was at a party surrounded by what was suddenly feeling like hundreds of people. 

“Okay, Dan.” Phil’s voice hardly reached Dan’s ears past the screaming of his own voice in his mind. “Dan, look at me.” 

Dan shook his head, his face screwing tighter sending searing pain from his bruised nose across his face, his grip on the side of the roof turning his knuckles white. 

“I can see you’re freaking out.” Phil’s voice still sounded far away. The back of Dan’s eyes burned with tears. “I just want to help you. Can you look at me? Just open you’re eyes and we can go from there, okay?” 

With a few deliberate deep breaths, Dan forced his eyes open. His gaze instantly fell on Phil, who was standing with this arms outstretched towards Dan and if Dan reached down he could probably touch his fingers but there was no way in hell he was letting go of this roof. A very concerned look painted Phil’s face as he stepped closer to the edge of the shed,

“Good work. We have some options, okay?” Phil spoke as if speaking to a frightened child, and instead of helping, it infuriated Dan. He hated being patronized, but considering he wasn’t in much of a position to call him out on it, he nodded his head and Phil continued. “I can go and get some people and they can come and help,”

“No.” Dan choked out, shaking his head vehemently. 

“Okay. No people. That’s fine. I can go and try and search for the key, but I’m not sure how long that will take, or even where to start looking, really.” Phil glanced back at the house in thought.

“No.” Dan shook his head again. “Please don’t leave me.” 

Phil glanced back up at Dan, his eyes sunken with pity. “Then there’s only one other option.” 

“What is it?” He could feel his heart sinking as Phil shrugged his shoulders, casting his gaze to the ground. 

“You’re just going to have to jump.” 

“No. No way.” Dan shrunk further away from the edge, his voice shaky and broken. 

“It’s fine. I’ll talk you through it and I’ll be at the bottom to catch you. You’ll be alright.” Phil promised with a soft voice and Dan could feel his bottom lip begin to wobble, as frightened tears threatened to fall. 

“I-I can’t.” Dan whispered, lowing his head and biting into his knuckle. “Phil, I can’t.” 

“Yes, you can.” Phil’s voice was sterner this time, less comforting and more demanding. “First, you need to come down to the edge of the roof so you’re closest to the ground. C’mon, you can do this.” 

Dan shut his eyes, pleading with himself to calm down. His brain desperately searched for anything to grasp onto, to hold him to reality before he started to spin out of control and lose himself to the panic that boiled inside his stomach. Friends, video games, food, school work, any song ever; Dan couldn’t remember or even picture any of those things, the only thing he could think of, was Phil. Phil who had disrupted his class that morning, who had them both thrown out, who gave him a blood nose and a massive bruise across his face, who hid behind him, who dragged him up onto this damn roof, who was now speaking to him like someone trying to talk a person out of jumping off a building. Dan wanted to punch him. 

Some of his anxiety turned to anger and Dan found himself beginning to slowly slide further down the roof, moving at a snails pace. He was going to climb down from this roof and punch Phil square in the face. He reached the edge, his breath coming out in labored gasps and Dan could hear Phil’s voice again. 

“Good. Well done, Dan. I’m right under you, okay? Now, I need you to swing your legs over the side, but keep your stomach on the roof.” 

Dan was going to climb down, punch Phil square in the face and kick him in the teeth.  
Carefully Dan slid his foot off the edge of the roof, his heart stuttering. He gradually lowered his right leg, his limb shifting further and further off the edge with his eyes still sealed shut. Dan was hanging with one leg completely off when he felt Phil’s hand against his knee that was dangling in the air, supportive and comforting.

Dan was going to climb down, punch Phil square in the face, kick him in the teeth, and break his arm. 

“Excellent. Now, the other leg.” 

Dan cursed every swear word he knew as he rotated his body so he could slide his other leg over the side. 

He was going to climb down, punch Phil square in the face, kick him in the teeth, break his arm and set him on fire. 

As soon as Phil could reach Dan’s leg, he guided it towards his other one while Dan was essentially hanging off the roof with only his stomach and his grip on the slippery tiles keeping him in place. 

“Okay. Slowly slide down.” Phil’s voice was almost as warm as his palms that pressed into the sides of Dan’s legs. 

With a quick prayer and barely internalized squeal, Dan slowly slid himself backwards. Phil’s hand’s glided up from Dan’s knees as he lowered himself closer to the ground and now rested at mid-thigh height. He continued to murmur reassurances to Dan, but Dan had blocked them out, because at this point, he was going to kill Phil. Dan had made it to his ribs and was now only clinging on by his arms, a little further down and his chin would be resting on the guttering. 

“I’ve got you. You need to let go now.” Phil prompted and it took all of the energy Dan had left not to kick out right then and there. “I’m going to count to three and you’ve got to let go, alright. One,”

_No, no, no, no._

“Two…” 

_I’m not ready. Shit fucking tits, I’m not ready._

“Three.” 

Dan let go. His face screwed into a grimace and pain radiating outwards, Dan’s icy fingers released the tiles of the roof and he fell backwards. Phil’s hands walked up Dan’s body to keep him steady as he fell, his palms press against his ribs when Dan’s feet hit the ground from his relatively small jump. He wobbled slightly as he landed, but Phil kept him upright even though Dan’s legs had all but turned to jelly and were ready to give out at any second. 

“You’re okay. You’re on the ground. I’ve got you.” Phil whispered into the back of Dan’s hair while Dan still processed he had made it to the ground without dying or at least breaking something. 

Dan turned in Phil’s grip to face him. He was ready, he was going to punch Phil square in the face, his hands already balled up into fists.

His anger melted away a moment later, however, when he met Phil’s gaze, soft and sympathetic and worried. Relieved tears flooded Dan’s eyes as he began to unashamedly sob. Phil pulled Dan down, wrapping his arms around him securely as Dan wept into his shoulder, dampening the material of Phil’s bright yellow hoodie, his own fingers clutching desperately to Phil’s back. Behind his relief, Dan couldn’t help but feel mildly embarrassed, he was having an emotional breakdown in the arms on a near stranger after all, but he pushed it down and relished in the moment of solid ground under his feet, soft material clasped in his hands and the smell of coconut shampoo. 

After Dan calmed down enough to pull himself back from Phil’s embrace and wipe his nose on the sleeve of his jumper, wincing at the sudden shooting pain, he chuckled out a nervous apology, 

“Sorry.” His voice was watery and he had no doubt his eyes were rimed with red, but there was a smile in his words.

“It’s okay. It happens.” Phil shrugged and smiled sheepishly, pushing his hair away from his face. “Maybe we should go and help your friend now.”

“Oh, shit!” Dan exclaimed suddenly snapping back to his senses. “Chris.” 

Dan left Phil standing there as he stalked towards the house, feeling Phil fall into step with him a moment later. They found Chris where they had last seen him, passed out on the deck and hugging an empty beer bottle close to his chest as people drunkenly stepped round him. Dan knelt down next to him, his hand still a little shaky from the pervious ordeal, and gave Chris’ shoulder a light jostle. 

“Chris.” Dan called, shaking his shoulder again. 

Chris made a groaning sound and curled further into himself, but his eyes stayed shut, completely inebriated. Dan sighed in defeat, sitting back on his haunches and pinching the bridge of his nose, instantly wincing at the pain. 

“He’s plastered.” Phil said in amusement, reaching around Dan to take the empty beer bottle out of Chris’ slack hand. 

“Yeah.” Dan replied, watching as Chris’ fingers closed around air, his fingers curling into his palm. “I have to get him home,” He said to himself before turning to Phil, “Do you feel like saving another life?”

Phil’s mouth stretched out into a grin as he fished his phone out of his pocket, “I’ll call a car, yeah?” 

Dan nodded and turned back to Chris, reaching forward to peel back Chris’ eyelid. His eyes rolled back in his head and he cowered away from Dan’s cold fingers, and Dan sighed again, his own eyes feeling grainy and puffy. This is why he doesn’t go places with people; he always ends up having to babysit them. Phil crouched down beside Dan, his hand flying to Dan’s shoulder to stop himself from stumbling backwards and he repositioned his feet under him. 

“Car’s on its way.” Phil said, still holding onto Dan’s arm. “Maybe we should try and get him out the front.” 

After a moment of discussing the best way to attack the situation, Dan and Phil both moved around to Chris’ front and Dan scooped his arms under Chris’ armpits and pulled him upwards. Chris’ head lulled into Dan’s collar, his legs offered no support and Phil had to duck his head under one of Chris’ arms to hold him up long enough for Dan to sling Chris’ other arm around his own shoulders. Together, with a heavy dead weight between them, they all but carried Chris through the house, his feet dragging on the floors and catching on the carpet, almost sending all of them tumbling to the ground. Somehow, they staggered out of the house, wobbling and running into more than a few people, but they had made it. Dan and Phil lowered Chris down onto the porch steps, his limp body sagging against the railing and Dan ran a tired hand through his hair, exhaling a puff of breath. 

Dan didn’t speak to Phil as they waited for the car, but not for Phil’s lack of trying. Dan was finding it more difficult to meet Phil’s eyes, let alone spark up casual conversation with him; the humiliation of Phil having seen him on the verge of an emotional breakdown kept his own eyes cast down and his lips sealed shut into a hard line. 

Eventually the car arrived and Dan and Phil secured Chris’ arms around their shoulders again to carry him over. Chris woke up this time and was able to offer enough help to at least move his own legs as they walked him to the car, but Dan and Phil dare not let go, however, as his feet stumbled between them. Chris clung to Dan like a drunken baby as Phil slid into the back seat of the car, holding his arms out to steady Chris as Dan started to lower him into the car, one hand on his head to stop it from hitting the door and the other meeting Phil’s at his ribs. Dan shuffled in next to him, rearranging Chris’ body into a mostly upright position and clicking in his seatbelt before closing the door and clicking in his own seatbelt. 

Dan leaned forward to tell the driver the address of the dorms and the car sped off down the road. Chris’ head flopped down onto Dan’s shoulder; his body slumped into his side as Dan rested his elbow on the window and held his chin in the palm of his hand, the comedown from his adrenalin spike hitting him hard. His eyelids drooped as he watched trees and building flash past through the car window, music from the radio gently lulling him to an exhausted sleep. Dan was on the verge when he felt Chris shuffle beside him, his arms looping around Dan’s and snuggling his head closer into the crook of Dan’s neck with a happy sigh. Dan turned to look down at Chris with a fond smile and a roll of his eyes before glancing up to see Phil already watching at him, looking wide awake without a hint of tiredness etched into his features that came in and out of view via passing street lights. 

Phil’s eyes flashed down to where Chris was cuddled into Dan’s side, then back up to Dan, clearly trying to suppress the smile curving at the corner of his lips. Dan couldn’t help as his own smile started to grow until it turned into silent laughter. Their shoulders shook as they both giggled in the backseat of the car, the more they laughed, the funnier the situation seemed to get until they were both laughing aloud and receiving very suspicious looks from the driver through the rearview mirror. 

Their laughter had calmed by the time that they pulled up in front of the dorms. Dan and Phil both thanked the driver as Dan handed him a wad of money with the hand that Chris wasn’t pinning down before he opened the door to get out of the car. Chris flopped onto the seat in Dan’s absence and he had to loop his hands under Chris’ armpits to drag him out of the car as Phil crawled out after him. Phil took Chris’ feet and they carried him like that up to the front door, Dan having to do a dangerous balancing act as he tried to fish out his key for the door. They got through the door with them only almost dropping Chris once and began the tricky feat of walking up the stairs to the second floor; Dan having to walk backwards with Phil giving him horrible directions and running them into more than a few walls. Finally, they got to their floor and to Chris’ door, his arms shaking with effort and his lungs heaving with breath. Carefully, Phil lowered Chris’ legs and Dan had to support all of Chris’ weight, while Phil did his best to pat down Chris’ pockets in search for his keys. Phil looked visibly uncomfortable when he had to stick his hand down the front pocket of Chris’ jeans to pull out the keys and a phone with a broken screen and Dan had to bite back a laugh. He jiggled the key in the lock and the door swung open easily and Dan couldn’t be more thankful, Chris’ weight having become almost unbearably heavy. Phil patted the wall to the side of the door blindly in search for the light switch, flicking it on so Dan could drag Chris through the threshold. He heaved him over to his bed and Phil took his ankles again as they flopped him down onto the mattress, making sure to roll him onto his side and placed a random Tupperware container they found next to the bed incase he needed to vomit. 

Dan ripped out a blank piece of paper from a notebook that was open in his desk scribbled down a note that said, _‘Dan and Phil got you home safely. Ps. you’re a dickhead’_ and placed it on his bedside table before they made their retreat, shutting the door securely behind them. 

Dan used his key to open his own door while Phil hung back awkwardly behind him, rocking back and forth on his heals and swinging his arms at his sides. The door opened without much protest and Dan flicked on the light as he entered, reaching into his pockets and dropping all of its contents onto his desk. Phil wandered in behind him and closed the door quietly, his eyes casting a curious glance over all of Dan’s possessions, as if he hadn’t already been in his room earlier that day. 

“Can I borrow your phone to call a car? Mine’s dead.” Dan looked over his shoulder at Phil, his hands pausing from where they were arranging notebooks and pens that were scattered haphazardly across his desk. 

“Sure.” Dan took his phone off the desk and turned to face Phil completely, his hands holding his phone close to his chest. “But you don’t have to go yet… if you don’t want to. We can, like, hang out… or something.” 

Dan chewed on his bottom lip as he watched Phil carefully, trying not to show the surprise he felt when he realised he had just asked this walking disaster of a person to stay instead of kicking him out immediately. 

“Yeah,” Phil smiled wide, “Okay.” 

“Okay.” Dan agreed, now feeling a little lost. What had he gotten himself into? “I have biscuits… if you’d like one.” 

“Okay.” Phil said again, his smile getting impossibly larger.

Dan passed him a packet of half crushed biscuits from a Tesco bag he’d bought a few days a go and Phil accepted the gift with a quiet thanks before ripping the package open. He shoved a biscuit into his mouth as he sunk down into Dan’s desk chair while Dan snatched two biscuits out of the packet before flopping down on his bed, crumbs flying everywhere. 

“Would be nice with a cup of tea.” Dan said around a mouthful of biscuit, staring up at the ceiling.

“After that energy drink slash coffee combo this morning, I don’t think I’ll ever need caffeine again.” Phil said reclining back in the chair and wincing at the memory. 

Dan nodded in agreement before Phil started talking again, “Listen, I really am sorry about getting you kicked out of class today. My dad can be a real dick.” 

“Yeah,” Dan’s head lulled to the side so he was facing Phil, “It can’t be all bad, though. You turned out alright, I guess.” 

Phil’s jaw dropped in mock shock while Dan presses his lips together to hold back a cheeky grin, the type that pressed his dimples into his cheeks and made his eyes crinkle at the edges. 

“Gee. Thanks.” Phil deadpanned, his own smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “But, you’re right. It’s not all bad. I have a place off campus that my parents pay for as well as all my food and stuff. That was the deal they made me.”

“Why did they have to make you a deal?” Dan wondered aloud, his eyebrows knitting into a frown. 

“My mum is a lawyer and so was my dad before he decided to become a professor. Both of my grandfathers were lawyers as well, and my brother recently finished his law degree. He’s now a fancy attorney at a fancy firm,” Phil made a swishing movement with his hands while he pulled a face. “It’s basically a tradition in our family.” 

“So, they had to bribe you to get a degree?” Dan probed further, unsure why he was so interested in the story.

“Yeah. I rebelled at first. Told them I was taking a “gap year”,” Phil did air quotes with his fingers. “When in reality I just stayed home and played video games for sixteen hours a day. I took a second gap year and fed them some crap story about ‘finding myself’ and I spent most of the year backpacking around Europe, but when I got back they pushed harder and harder for me to go back to school. After a lot of screaming and being called a disappointment, they struck me with a deal: I go to university and maintain the pride of the Lester name and my parents will pay for everything.”

“I don’t know whether that’s depressing or amazing.” Dan admitted and Phil nodded in agreement. 

“That’s why I’ve been here so long; repeating classes and missing lessons, picking up and dropping double degrees every other week. I’m milking them for everything their worth.” Phil smiled wickedly and Dan felt a little uneasy. Such a dysfunctional back-story did not match the bubbly ball of gesticulating energy sat in his desk chair. 

Dan pulled himself up into a half seated position, his back pressed up against the head of his bed and his legs stretched out in front of him, nibbling on the inside of his cheek. “So what do you want to do if you don’t want to do law?” 

“I don’t know.” Phil shrugged. “I quite like art… But I really love entertaining people. Any job where I could make people laugh would be good enough for me.” 

“So basically the opposite of what a lawyer does?” Dan chuckled, watching as Phil stretched out in his chair nodding with a smile plastered on his face. 

“Your chair is super uncomfortable.” Phil informed him, swinging back on it again. 

“I’m sorry, but not all of us have a mummy and daddy who can pay for everything with a snap of their fingers.” Dan shot back, a smile in his voice. 

Phil considered this for a moment before he launched himself off the chair and onto Dan’s bed. The sudden movement caused Dan to yelp in surprise and Phil’s body crashed into his, Phil’s elbow managing to find Dan’s ribs and his foot thumped into Dan’s shin. Both of them groaned in pain as they curled in on themselves, nursing their injuries.

“Why?!” Dan demanded, unable to stop his voice from shaking with laugher. 

“I don’t know!” Phil sat up slightly, rubbing his cheek from where it had connected with Dan’s shoulder. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.” 

“You’re unbelievable.” Dan shook his head with slight fondness as he shuffled himself across the bed until his shoulder was touching the cold wall, giving Phil room to sit up properly. 

Phil made himself comfortable, wriggling his bum backwards and adjusting Dan’s pillow behind his back while Dan watched him with a mildly unimpressed but mainly amused expression. They sat there for a moment, Dan’s left side going numb from the cold of the wall he was squashed up against but his right side burning up with the heat Phil radiated, their shoulders pressed together. 

“Hey, I never… um…” Dan raised his hand to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly. “I never thanked you for showing me the stars. That was really nice of you, even if you did try to kill me… Speaking of which,” Dan reached over with his left hand and punched Phil lightly in the chest. “That’s for making me go on that damn roof.” 

Phil rubbed the spot where Dan had hit him soothingly, a pout pulling at his bottom lip. 

“You should have seen your face when you talked about the stars, though… It was kinda beautiful.” He added the last part as if it was an after thought, his eyes widening as soon as he’d realized what he had said. “Like, you know, _beautiful_ when people talk about stuff they really love and they get so into it and it’s like nothing else in the world matters, you know?” 

Dan could feel blood rushing to his cheek as his skin flushed pink, unable to meet Phil’s eyes. 

“Not that I’m saying you’re unattractive, because you are.” Phil back peddled quickly. “Attractive, I mean; you are attractive. I mean, like, you’re good looking… I guess. I don’t know. I wasn’t looking at you like that, but if I was I’d say you are quite nice to look at. That just makes it sound like I’m only here for your face. I think under you’re face, you’re a pretty cool person as well. This isn’t making it any better, is it?” 

“Just…” Dan’s face felt like it was on fire and he had to clear his throat, “Stop talking.” 

Phil pressed his lips together, nodding fervently and Dan couldn’t help the shy smile that pulled at the corner of his mouth. They stayed like that for a moment, both looking up at the ceiling and letting the silence stretch out between them; a soothing quiet that wasn’t at all uncomfortable. Dan shuffled down the bed and onto his side, curling his arm under his ear to pillow his head, his back against the wall. Phil glanced down at him as Dan let his eyes droop shut with a content sigh. Dan peeled his eyelids back open, feebly fighting the exhaustion that had reinvaded his bones, clinging to his muscles with heavy hands and forcing his eyelids shut a moment later, but not before he had one last glimpse of Phil’s soft expression before he slipped into darkness. 

~*~

Dan hadn’t realized he had fallen asleep until he woke the next morning. Light streaked across his face from the opened window and Dan fought to get away from it, burying his face further into the pillow and cuddling it closer. A groan rumbled low in his throat as muted pain danced across the bridge of his nose. With his eyes still sealed shut, Dan whimpered slightly, not yet ready to surrender to the morning and drag himself out of bed. 

After a few more desperate whining sounds that only he could hear, his voice muffled by the pillow, Dan opened his eyes with a pout. He stretched out his arms to the sides, this spine cracking with a satisfying _pop_ and his mouth opening wide in a yawn. Dan’s head lulled to the side, pulling a face when something sharp poked into his cheek and made a terrible crinkling sound under his ear. Blindly, he pulled a piece of yellow paper out from under his face, his grainy eyes taking a moment to focus on the messy scrawl of writing. Dan had to read the note twice before his brain could make any sense of the jumbled letters. 

**I left after you fell asleep.**  
**This is my number if you ever want to hang out again.**  
**Ps you snore ☺**  
**\- Phil**  


There was a phone number scribbled underneath and poorly drawn five-point stars surrounding the whole note. Dan’s lips stretched into a smile as the events of last night came flooding back to him; the party, the ordeal on the roof, carrying Chris up to his room, falling asleep with the image of Phil dancing across the backs of his eyelids. Shaking his head fondly, Dan collapsed back into his pillow, his smile growing into an unashamed grin. 

For what felt like the first time since he had arrived at University, Dan was pleased he decided to study a law degree.


	2. Chapter 2

It was mid Tuesday morning and Dan was still yet to call Phil. He reasoned with himself that he was much too busy with assignment work to put any effort into a potentially fleeting friendship, and as the twisted wheel of procrastination goes, he was avoiding talking to Phil by actually do said assignment work. Currently, he was sat in the library with his laptop opened on a word document filled with dot-points of important information and quotes from thoroughly researched sources. Opened books were piled haphazardly around him, having once been sorted by names of the author and the year they were published through a fit of organisation that had hit Dan somewhere around the 7am mark. 

Dan tapped away at the keys of his laptop, nibbling his lip in thought as he linked sources that supported his argument. He didn’t take much notice of the people milling in and out of the library, rubbing their tired eyes and stifling yawns behind limp hands, completely lost in his own world. 

Dan was in the middle of typing the outline for his introduction when he felt two hands clap down on his shoulders, followed by a loud _‘Boo!’._ Dan jumped in surprise, a startled yelp leaving his mouth before he could even think about stopping it; his hands retracting from his keyboard as if it had bitten him and his hear stuttering in his chest. Dan’s scream earned him a disapproving _‘shush!’_ from the librarian and a warm chuckle from whoever it was that frightened him. He didn’t have long to wonder about the possibilities of his assailant because the hands released his shoulders and Phil plopped down on the seat beside him. 

“Hello, stranger.” He greeted, a cheeky smile still etched into his bright features. 

“You almost gave me a heart attack.” Dan scoffed, placing his hand over his chest as if to prove his point. “What is with your obsession of trying to put me into an early grave?”

Phil shrugged, “I’m just curious to see what your headstone would say,”

Dan rolled his eyes, “Obviously, it would just say,” Dan used his thumb and forefinger to display the invisible word in the air in front of him, “’finally.’”

Phil’s laugh turned uneasy as if he wasn’t sure if Dan was joking or not, and, in all honesty, Dan was sure either. 

“Mine would probably say something like ‘Here lies Emperor Phil, there never was a better king of the universe,’” Phil looked of into the near distance, placing both hands on his hips and looking like he was posing for a B-grade superhero movie poster. 

“Naturally.” Dan scoffed and Phil’s bright eyes snapped back to him, his teeth peaking out under an amused smile. 

“That’s just the first draft. By the time I die I’ll probably have more titles, like _Curer of World Hunger_ and _Father of First Ever Inter-Species Alien Baby_ and probably _Demolisher of Cheese._ ” Phil counted them off on his fingers. 

“You don’t like cheese?” Dan’s eyebrow knitted into a frown.

“I _hate_ cheese.” Phil confirmed pulling a face of disgust. 

Dan smiled softly before turning his attention back to his laptop. 

“I’m sorry I haven’t called you… I haven’t really had a chance.” Dan lied hastily, tapping on random keys to give the illusion of supporting his claim. 

Dan saw Phil’s smile waver from his peripheral vision, but he didn’t call him out on it, instead continuing to type out nonsense. 

“That’s okay.” Phil replied a moment later, “I can see you’re super busy.” 

Dan’s fingers faltered, his heart sinking. He felt bad for avoiding Phil, and even worse for lying about it. Dan glanced over to Phil, meeting his curious eyes with a half-arsed smile. 

“What are your plans for five minutes from now?” 

“So far, my schedule is wide open.” Phil answered, watching as Dan closed his laptop and began arranging the books around his desk. 

“Good. I need a break.” 

~*~

Dan and Phil left the library and were currently walking mindlessly around the campus, sunlight fighting through the thin layer of cloud cover and slightly warming the pavement. Phil walked Dan to his dorm so he could drop off his laptop and heavy books, offering to help carry a few to lighten the clear strain all of the heavy documents were putting on Dan’s severely unfit body. 

“Why are you even checking out books?” Phil asked, hoisting the books higher up his chest. “There’s this new amazing thing called the internet…”

“Ha, ha.” Dan deadpanned. “The Wi-Fi at the dorm is shit. The library is the only place I can get a decent signal and since I can’t be there 24/7, I have to do it like they did in the dark ages.” He nodded down at his books. 

“You know, you could always come to my place if you’re ever in need of decent Wi-Fi, like, if the library is closed or something. Plus, I don’t even pay for it, so you can use all you like. Double plus, I live alone so there would be no one there to annoy you.” Phil shrugged,

“You’re the only one who annoys me, anyway.” Dan shot back, smirking over at Phil. 

“Yeah, well, in that case, I get to annoy you from the comfort of my own home.” Phil smiled back at him and Dan laughed low in his throat. “I could just sit at the edge of the couch and poke you with a stick.” 

They reached the front door of the dorm rooms just as someone else was leaving and Dan was able to catch the door before it closed. He held it open for Phil to step through and followed him in, hearing the automatic latch lock behind them. Together, they walked up the stairs in relative silence, only the sound Dan could hear was the rhythmic thudding of them stomping up the stairs as it echoed around the empty halls; most of the dorm’s occupants either asleep or at class at 11am on a Tuesday morning. Dan came to a stop outside his door, sure to give Phil plenty of warning to avoid a repeat of what happened the first time he bought Phil to his room, the bruise on his nose having finally gone down to nothing more that a small yellow line. 

Dan let the books fall out from his arms and onto the bed, sliding his bag off his shoulder and dropping it at the foot of the bed. Phil placed down the things he was carrying with a lot more care than Dan had previously demonstrated, the three document folders lying neatly amongst scattered bits of loose leaf paper and ancient textbooks. 

Dan turned to Phil with an expectant expression and began to pat down his pockets, checking for his phone, wallet and keys. 

“Ready to go, then?” Dan asked once he was satisfied he had all he would need. 

Phil nodded; looking like an eager child and Dan had to hide his own gentle smile into his chest as he held the door open for Phil, checking it locked behind them. Dan watched bemusedly as Phil all but skipped down the stairs, swinging on the banister as he waited for Dan to catch up with him before continuing to trot down the old, worn steps. By the time they made it outside, the wind had picked up and Dan buried his hands deep into the pockets of his bomber jacket, doing little to protect himself from the icy gales. With his arms tucked tightly against his body, desperately fighting the urge to fix his fringe as the wind blew it in every which way, they began walking in no particular direction.

“What do you want to do, then?” Dan asked, trying extra hard to be polite and make up for something he wasn’t even sure he’d done wrong. 

“I could really go for some ice cream.” Phil said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

Nothing like frozen organs to match their freezing skin. 

“You’re joking, right? It’s too cold for ice cream.” Dan questioned as wind whipped around his face, but he already knew the answer Phil was going to give. 

“It’s never too cold for ice cream!” Came Phil’s reply seconds later. 

It was with little surprise that Dan watched as Phil grinned wickedly, his blue eyes crinkling at the sides slightly and his eyebrows rising challenging as he bounced over to the closest on-campus café. Dan shoved his hands deeper into his pockets and followed him without objection. 

The café must have had the radiator working on overload, because as soon as Phil opened the door they were both hit in the face with a wave of hot air that smelled of coffee and sugar cookies. Dan breathed in deep, savoring the warmth that seemed to wrap around him like a hug as they shut the door, the cold air beating against the glass panels unable to reach them, but certainly waiting for them once the leave the shop. Dan didn’t recognize any of the students dotted around the store, sipping their hot drinks and cramming for whatever test they had coming up. He sighed quietly in relief, happy to be keeping his social interactions to one person per day. 

He came up and stood next to Phil at the counter, his eyes scanning the menu they had displayed above the register. Nothing they were serving took his fancy and he decided to settle on a nice cup of warm tea whereas Phil, after being appalled when the woman behind the register had said _‘We don’t serve ice cream during autumn and winter. It’s too cold outside.’_ settled on an iced coffee despite the warnings from both Dan and the woman. Dan shook his head as the barista looked between them in mild alarm, but punched in the order anyway. 

“Your order will be ready in a moment.” The woman told them with a plastered on fake smile, so large it looked like it must of hurt. 

They both stepped to the side so the person behind them could order, watching as the other barista behind the counter began to make their drinks. Dan took the opportunity to try to mold his windblown hair back into something that resembled its regular shape, using the reflective metal of the coffee machine as a mirror, whistling a breathy tune. 

“Okay, lets go.” Dan’s attention was snapped away from his reflection to see Phil sanding with Dan’s tea in one hand and his own iced coffee in the other, watching at him expectantly. 

“Oh. Thanks.” Dan accepted the tea, wrapping both hands around the warm cup and defrosting his fingers slightly. 

Phil led the way out of the café, opening the door for Dan and following him out. The wind was just as fierce as it was before they had managed to escape it, all the hard work Dan had put into his hair ruined in seconds. Dan took a sip of his too-hot tea and felt it go all the way down into his stomach, warming his bones. 

“So,” Phil begins after a large slurp of his frozen drink, “I think it may be too cold for ice cream.”

Dan scoffed, “Oh? You think?” 

Phil laughed a laugh that would have made the sun shine if it wasn’t whipped away so quickly by the wind, his voice lost to the icy gusts. Dan couldn’t help but laugh too. 

“I’m serious. My fingers are about to fall off.” Phil reached his hand out to Dan. “Feel them.” 

“I’m good. Thanks.” 

“No, feel them!” Phil stretched out towards Dan’s face, his fingers in a beeline for his exposed cheek. 

“No!” Dan screeched, ducking out of Phil’s reach, but it did little to subdue him. 

Phil tried again, going for his other cheek this time, a delighted smile plastered on his face. 

“Phil, I swear to God!” He ducked again, weaving out of Phil’s attempts to touch him. Dan’s voice turned shrill as he yelled over his shoulder, attracting the attention of bystanders. “I’m going to spill my tea everywhere. Stop chasing me!” 

“Okay, okay.” Phil let out a breathy laughed, holding his hand up in surrender. 

Dan let out his own relieved sigh as Phil walked towards him, taking a sip from his drink. Phil’s eyes caught something just over Dan’s shoulder and his eyebrows knitted into a frown, his straw half hanging out of his mouth. 

“What’s that?” He asked in disbelief, gesturing to whatever it was he was looking at. 

“Wha–” Dan’s words were cut off by an involuntary sharp inhale. 

His breath reached to the bottom of his lungs as Phil’s fingers, as cold as icicles, bracketed his jaw and sent a wave of goose bumps running over his skin. Dan snapped his head back so quickly he could have sworn he heard something in his neck crack. He slapped Phil’s hand way and replaced it with his own tea-warmed palm, soothing his chilled skin. “You’re the _worst.”_

Phil shrugged with one shoulder, smiling around his straw and looking anything but guilty. “You love it.”

Dan didn’t know what to say to that. He was unsure about what to think about the fact that he could still feel the spot Phil had placed his hand on his cheek, the skin still tingling slightly, but if anyone asked he would have blamed it on the cold. Not to mention, he was supposed to be making up for not calling. So, instead of shooting down Phil’s claim like every fiber of his being was telling him to do, Dan settled on a quiet, “Alright.” 

Phil seemed satisfied with this answer and continued on down the path, chewing on his straw and swinging his free arm excessively at his side. Dan did everything he could to fight down the fond smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth, having to hide it behind the rim of his cup as he took a tentative sip of his tea. They walked for a little while longer, their shoulders brushing occasionally as their feet pounded out an uneven rhythm on the path. Dan had completely given up on trying to fix his hair every time the wind blew it out of place, letting the strands fly in every direction, not even bringing himself to care when he could see it curling at the edges. They spent the next half hour walking around aimlessly and talking about nothing with meaning, burning through a bunch of topics that would probably seem very unusual without context. Dan pitied anyone who happened to be eavesdropping on their conversation. 

Dan was still holding his now-empty travel cup when they arrived back at his dorm, having done a full lap of the campus. He looked up at the building in wonder as they came to a stop out the front of it, the large monument towing over them and blocking out some of the harsh wind. 

“Do you want to come up?” Dan asked without looking at Phil, his eyes still trained on the dorm buildings. Maybe he should have studied architecture. 

“Oh. Thanks, but I have class in…” Dan glanced down to see Phil fish his phone out of his pocket to check the time, “ten minutes ago.” 

Phil raised his eyebrows and clicked his teeth, looking like he could not care less about being late to class. Dan chuckled lightly and looked back at the building. He jumped slightly when he felt Phil’s hand on his shoulder, causing him to turn in his direction,

“I best be off, can’t have anyone thinking I hate being here…” Phil’s words dripped with sarcasm and he gave Dan’s shoulder one last squeeze before he began walking back they way they had just come. 

Dan walked up to his room in somewhat of a daze, his fingers trailing along the walls and his eyes watching the ceiling the whole way up and if he could still feel the pressure from Phil’s hand on his shoulder until he was tucked up in bed that night, he wouldn’t tell anybody. 

~*~

Dan was happy. 

It was an unusual emotion for him to be feeling a day and a half before his Environmental Law assignment was due, and he wasn’t quite sure what to do with the elation popping in his chest like tiny soap bubbles. Instead of questioning it, however, he rolled with it and by the time he stepped out of his last class for the day, he was almost verging on smug. Dan slung the strap of his bag over his shoulder and began the short walk back to his dorm room; going out of his was to step on the fallen leaves that scattered the pavement. He relished the crunch of the brittle brown foliage under the soles of his shoes, unable to wipe the smile off his face. 

Dan bounded up the stairs of the dorms, skipping every second step and using the railing to pull himself up faster. He was a little out of breath by the time he reached his door, but he hardly noticed, sliding his key into the lock and bumping the door open with his hip. After dumping his bag onto his bed, Dan plopped down into his desk chair, stretching backwards and swiveling around on its squeaking hinges. He scooted the chair over to his bed and pulled out his laptop from his bag before gliding back to his desk and booting up his computer. It was still switched on from when he was using it earlier in class and he opened up a minimized word document, his Environmental Law assignment popping up on the screen before him. Dan had been working non-stop for two weeks to create the best damn assignment his professor had ever seen. 

He had definitely reached the cocky stage of his unexpected confidence spike. 

Dan exited out of an application notification that appeared at the right hand corner of his screen and started to tap on his keyboard. He didn’t have time for distractions. He was going to finish this assignment and, who knows, maybe even hand it in early. Dan skimmed through the information he had already jotted down, making sure all of his arguments were well laid out and supported before he could wrap it up by smashing out a kick-ass conclusion. 

Dan surprised himself at how airtight he hand made his argument, leaving no room for disagreement or even speculation, and how calm he had stayed during the process, especially considering it was for his toughest class. His phone was on silent and put very far out of reach so he was able to catch himself every time his fingers started to search for it. Notification bubbles continued to pop up and Dan would quickly exit them, he hadn’t come this far to be distracted now. He had been working for almost three hours, triple checking everything and was finally ready to edit his conclusion. He would then be done. Finished. Finito. 

A new little notification popped up in the corner. Dan mumbled as he read the blurb aloud, _‘new software is now available, please restart your computer’._

“No, thank you.” Dan said to no one in particular as he hovered his mouse over to the small red X at the top of the notification box. 

Dan’s fingers twitched as he glided them over this mouse pad, the tip of his middle finger grazing the surface and the curser clicked the restart button. Instantly, Dan froze, his heart faltering and his throat closing. His assignment disappeared from in front of his eyes and he was jolted back into action, pressing random keys and slamming his fingers on the space bar all the while whispering a string of no, no, no, no until he could no longer make out the singular words, blurring together as one panicked sound. His computer screen went black and, for a moment, Dan forgot how to breathe. His fingers hovered above his keyboard, his eyes glued to the middle of his blackened screen, his lungs refusing to take in oxygen. 

Dan’s laptop chimed as it rebooted itself, the screen lighting up and casting a pale white glow over his stricken face. His icon popped up, waiting for him to enter in his password, blinking mockingly at him as Dan swallowed hard and began to type. The login screen disappeared to show his desktop, a picture of the Milky Way scattered with appropriately named files. With his heart in his throat and his bottom lip clamped between his teeth, Dan opened his Environmental Law folder, selected his assignment and took a deep breath before double clicking the mouse pad. The word document opened up on the screen,

“Oh, God.” Dan scrolled down past his introduction to see the rest of his assignment nothing more that a mess of unintelligible dot points. “Oh, no. No, no, no! Fuck!” 

Dan’s elbows dropped to the desk, his face buried in his hands as he fought as hard as he could to hold back the infuriated scream that sat ready at the back of his throat. Without his permission, frustrated tears began to well in his eyes, his bottom lip wavering as his breath came out in a stuttered exhale. Dan glanced back up at his laptop through his fingers, his tears burning his back of his eyes as they rolled down his cheeks, his breathing turning into unashamed sobbing. The words in front of him blurring from the relentless waves of tears that streamed from his eyes. He wrapped his hands around his head and he sunk down to the desk, placing his forehead on the cool wood.

Dan went through a wave of emotion as he sat there sobbing into his desk; sadness at loosing his work, disappointment in himself, frustration of being unable to get it back, anger for taking the course in the first place, and finally determination. 

Dan’s head snapped back up from the desk and he furiously wiped the wetness from his cheeks with the back of his hands and sniffling back any further tears. He checked the time on the top of his screen, 8:32pm. The library closed in an hour and a half and wouldn’t be open again until 6am the next day. Dan knew there was no way he would get all of the work he needed to do done in that time. He cursed under his breath as he wracked his brain for a solution. He wouldn’t be able to get an extension on his assignment, especially asking for one the day before it was due. Every Internet Café would surely be closed by now. Dan even considered going to a 24-hours McDonalds and leeching off the free Wi-Fi, but he would undoubtedly get kicked out at some stage. Dan could feel the panic rising in his throat and he searched desperately around his room, looking for any sort of inspiration. 

Dan had 18 hours to get his assignment written, edited and submitted and he was wasting precious minutes. Jumping up from his desk, Dan began to rummage through his desk draws, pulling out bits of paper with scribbled writing on them, blunt pencils, the caps from pens, the odd condom, tossing it all on the floor before starting on the set of shelves against the wall. He didn’t know what he was looking for, but whatever it was, he wasn’t finding it anywhere. Dan abandoned the shelves in favour of his bedside table, tearing the draw open and sifting through its contents.

With a sigh of defeat, Dan stood up straight and ran his hands over his face, scrubbing the tears out of his eyes with his balled up fist. He glanced down at the mess he had created; all of his belongings scattered haphazardly on the floor, books strewn across the room and papers clinging every bit of furniture. Dan was about to give up, accept defeat with his head down and his tail tucked between his legs, crawl into his bed and never get out, when something caught his eye. A crumpled piece of yellow paper lying like a fallen leaf atop a pile of junk Dan had ripped from his draws. He snatched up the paper, a feeling akin to hope swelling in his chest before he has the chance to squash it down. Dan turned the paper over in his trembling hands, Phil’s messy handwriting staring up at him and Dan got hit with a wave of relief, never having been happier to see poorly drawn stars in his life. 

With the paper in his hand, Dan began the hunt for his phone, unable to remember where he had hidden it from himself. He rifled through the piles on his floor, ripping off his bed sheets and watching his phone went sailing into the air and landed on the carpet with a solid clunk. Dan almost dove for his phone, pinching it off the floor and flipping it around in his clumsy fingers. With his hands still shaking slightly, Dan punched in the numbers Phil had written at the bottom of the paper, his thumb hovering over the call button. 

Dan hated asking for help, he never wanted to ask favours of anyone, but as he stood there amongst the mess that littered the floor and a near-empty word document that stared at him tauntingly, Dan really didn’t have any other choice and he pressed the button. 

Dan held his phone up to his ear, biting on the side of his thumbnail as he listened to the dial tone, silently begging for Phil to pick up. 

“’Ello?” Phil answered on the third ring and Dan’s heart leapt up into his throat. 

“Phil…” Dan’s voice was croaky and he had to clear his throat before he could continue. “It’s Dan.”

“Oh. Hey.” Phil’s voice echoed through the receiver, “Are you okay, you sound weird.” 

And, as if a dam broke, tears began streaming down Dan’s cheeks. His breathing became forced as he tried his best to hold back the unrelenting flood falling from his eyes, blinking away the wetness, only for it to be replaced with more tears seconds later. 

“Are you crying? Dan, what’s wrong? Talk to me, are you okay?” Phil asked a million worried questions while Dan tried to calm down enough to answer at least one. 

“I-” His voice was shaking so much it was almost impossible to get any words out. “Please, I n-need your hel-p” 

“Anything.” Phil answered straight away and the sincerity in his voice made a new wave of tears spring into Dan’s eyes. 

“I… My assignement… It– It’s not… I lost… The internet– You said I could, if I ever needed… I really, really need–“

“Dan.” Phil cut of Dan’s rambling sobbing, “I’m going to text you my address okay?” Dan nodded before he realized Phil couldn’t see him, using the back of his sleeves to wipe his face. “You can come over and do your work. Calm down, I promise you’re going to be okay. Alright?” 

Dan mumbled his reply, not trusting his voice to go any louder than a whisper. 

“Okay, I’ll see you soon.” Phil waited for Dan to make another sound of agreement before he hung up.

Dan’s phone buzzed in his hand a second later with the address to Phil’s house. As Phil suggested, Dan took a deep breath to calm himself and picked his bag up off the floor, shoving in his laptop and his charger. He called for a car while he searched for his wallet and his keys, disguising his teary voice with a cough. He looped his arm through the strap of his bag and fled his room. Dan kept his head down as he walked down the stairs occasionally sniffling and wiping his nose on the sleeve of the jumper he’d thrown on as he walked out the door. 

Dan kept checking the time on his phone while he tapped his fingers on his thigh to distract himself from the pressure sitting at the back of his throat. The car seemed to take an eternity to pull up on the curb where Dan stood. He audibly sighed with relief as he climbed into the front seat next to the driver, tucking his long legs into the car and hugging his backpack tightly to his chest. Dan sniffled back more tears as he reiterated Phil’s address for the man to punch it into his GPS before they sped off down the road. 

Despite the many silent threats Dan was sending himself to grow up and stop crying, tears silently fell the entire ride to Phil’s house. His knuckles had gone white from holing his bag so tightly and his bottom lip quivered as he stared out the window, ignoring the inquisitive looks the drive kept shooting his way. The car slowed to a stop in front of a house that was hidden mostly by the night, only illuminated by the warm yellow lights glowing from within the frosted windows. Dan mumbled his thanks to the driver and handed over some money before clumsily exiting the car with his bag still clasped tightly against his chest. The car drove off behind him and Dan was left there, staring up at the house, shivering slightly. 

Dan took cautious step forward and his heart stirred from where it sat at the bottom of his stomach, sending a tingle of nerves shooting through his body. With another deep breath to calm himself further, not that deep breathing had ever helped him much in the past, Dan walked up the small path to the front door, almost tripping on the steps but catching himself at the last second. He knocked gingerly on the door with a shaky fist, biting on his lip hard. The door swung open before he had even finished his second knock. 

Warmth from the house engulfed Dan as Phil stood where the door was moments ago. Dan couldn’t help it as his eyes drifted from Phil’s concerned eyes, framed by his thick glasses, over the soft white shirt that covered his chest and down to his odd-sock swathed toes peaking out from under Elmo pajamas and he wanted to say something. Anything; Thank him, or insult his terrible Sesame Street pajama bottoms, or apologise for how dreadful he surely looked, or maybe lecture him about turning off some of the lights in the house, but Dan when forced his eyes back up and opened his mouth the only thing that came out was a strangled whimper. Phil’s worried expression softened further as he grabbed Dan by the wrist and pulled him into the house, the door sealing shut behind him. 

Dan didn’t fight it as Phil led him further into the house, looking around curiously as he followed him blindly. They walked through the living room and Dan absentmindedly noticed the tidiness of the house despite the random socks they seemed to be stepping over in order to get to wherever it was they were going. He didn’t have long to ponder on their destination however, because Phil led him through another door and into a room Dan assumed was an office. 

“You can plug your laptop in there,” Dan jumped slightly when he heard Phil’s voice and he looked to where Phil was pointing at a power outlet. “I cleared all my junk off the desk for you, so you can spread out as much as you like. I’ve got USBs and phone chargers if you need them and I think I have some old textbooks laying around somewhere, but I’m not sure how much help they’ll be.” 

Dan’s smile was weak, but it was genuine as he walked forward and placed his bag down carefully on office chair. He shimmied out his laptop and placed it on the desk, turning back to face Phil, his smile turning watery. 

“Thank you,” He whispered before blinking back the burning in his eyes. 

“You’re welcome.” Phil reached out and gave Dan’s shoulder a squeeze, his own smile soft and private, “Get yourself settled and I’ll make you some tea, yeah?” 

Dan nodded, not trusting his ability to form coherent sentences and Phil left him to make himself comfortable. He’d just plugged his charger into his laptop on the desk and dropped his bag to the floor when Phil’s head popped back around the doorjamb.

“The Wi-Fi password is ‘fruitloops87’, by the way.” Phil said matter-of-factly before he slipped away again and left Dan looking quizzically in his wake. 

A few rooms away, Dan could hear the kettle boiling as he opened the lid of his laptop and sank down into the plush office chair, instantly noticing how much more comfortable it was than his own office chair. His unfinished document stared back at him as he sunk backwards into the plush chair and he had to fight down a new wave of frustration, trying not to audibly groan. Dan shut his eyes for a moment as he tried to muster every ounce of motivation his body possessed, breathing in deep and swallowing hard. He peeled back his eyelids and pressed his lips into a hard line, selecting Phil’s Wi-Fi network, imaginatively named _‘Phil’s Wi-Fi’,_ and typing in the password with numb fingers. Luckily, Dan was able to remember a few of the key sources he had used and types them into the search bar, opening multiple tabs of 100 page law reports. 

Phil reentered the room just as Dan switched back to his word document, deciding to try and retype as much of his assignment that he could remember off the top of his head before going back in and filling in the gaps. Dan didn’t even look up as Phil placed a steaming ceramic mug of tea on the desk next to him before backing back out of the room, leaving the faint smell of his shampoo to linger in the room. 

Dan wasn’t working as quickly as he would have liked to be, despite ridding himself from everything that would usually distract him; He had no music, no Facebook tabs open, his phone was off and currently sitting somewhere on the other side of the room. He gulped down his tea, delighted and slightly confused that Phil had made it exactly the way he liked it, continuing to type with his free hand and keeping one eye glued to his screen as he drank. Dan was working for about an hour before Phil came back into the room, balancing a new mug of tea in one hand and a white bowl of steaming food in the other. Again, he placed them down on the desk without saying anything; collecting the empty mug and taking it back out with him. 

Dan glanced down at the bowl and, as if on queue, his mouth began to water, only now realizing how hungry he was. He picked up a steamed piece of broccoli with his fingers, disregarding the silverware lying next to the bowl, and dropped the whole stork into his mouth. Dan continued to eat with one hand and type with the other, pulling off strips of chicken and munching on bits of slightly crunchy carrot. He didn’t pay much attention to the sticky fingerprints that had started to appear on the keys of his laptop, washing his meal down with another large swig of warm tea. 

Hours passed and Phil continued to bring in tea and snacks periodically, trying his best not to disturb Dan while he worked. Dan’s butt had long since gone numb and his sight was beginning to turn blurry. Eventually, he had to sit back in the chair, fruitfully attempting to rub the graininess out of his eyes. When he finally reopened his eyes again, blinking back the fuzziness, Dan noticed the time: _12:08am._

A renewed sense of panic crept up Dan’s spine. He’d been working for three hours and he had only written just over 2000 words. His assignment was due in less than 15 hours and he still had so much left to do. A nerve in Dan’s cheek jumped as his breathing became more rapid, his heart kicking out against his ribs. Dan’s mind started to race with thoughts; he wasn’t going to be able to finish in time, he was going to fail his assessment, he was going to get kicked out of University, he was going to have to move back home, he was going to live out a life that he hated as a drop out. But, then again, Dan didn’t even like his course. He couldn’t count the amount of times he had wished he never decided to study law; maybe if he finished his degree he would still be living out a life that he hated. He would die knowing he wasted his time doing something he didn’t love, something that made him panic and cry. Not that any of it would matter in the grand scheme of things. In 100 years would it really matter if he did or didn’t finish his degree? He was going to die regardless of what he did with his life so what was the point of doing anything at all? 

Dan’s panic turned into dread, his breath getting caught in his throat and his heartbeat slowing down to a sluggish pace. Everything was suddenly overwhelming and unimportant at the same time. Sitting in the office chair and staring down at his work was too much for him to handle. He needed to lie down. 

Dan ungracefully slid off the chair, flopping onto the floor like a maladroit snake. With his face pressed against the carpet and his body useless under his commands, Dan laid there as his mind continued to loop the same question over and over again: _what’s the point?_

He wasn’t sure how long he was on the floor, it might have been minutes or it might have been hours, all Dan knew was that he was probably never going to be able to scrape himself off the floor. Dan heard the sound of socks shifting on carpet and he already knew Phil was in the room before he even spoke, 

“Uh… Dan?” Phil’s voice was lightened with slight concern and Dan squeezed his eyes shut and forced out a breath. “What are you doing?” 

Dan lulled his head to the side, mushing his nose into the carpet as he turned to face Phil. His figure was towering above him, standing in the doorway and holing another mug of tea, watching Dan with his eyebrows raised and small smile on the corner of his mouth. Dan blinked slowly, feeling like millennia passed by the time he reopened his eyes, 

“I’m having an existential crisis.” Dan’s voice was scratchy from tears and underuse, but he didn’t bother clearing his throat as he watched as the smile slipped from Phil’s face. 

Phil stared at him for a long moment, undoubtedly weighing his options on how to deal with the situation. After what felt like a lifetime, Phil walked forward, stepping over Dan’s limp body to place the mug of fresh tea on the desk next to the half empty mug of cold tea. He moved back into Dan’s line of sight before he sank to the floor, making many unnecessary groans of effort. Phil now lay on his back next to Dan, looking up at the ceiling and sighing loudly. Dan was quiet as he watched Phil make himself comfortable, wiggling on his back and adjusting his shoulders. Once Phil was still and Dan’s eyes were able to trace along the angle of his jaw and the curve of his nose, the light that dance on his cheekbones and the way he blinked behind thick-rimmed glasses, that’s exactly what he did, drinking in Phil’s profile. 

“Thanks.” Dan whispered, attracting Phil’s attention. 

Phil turned to face him with an understanding smile and Dan knew he didn’t have to explain what he was thanking Phil for, because really, it was everything. It was for being kind to him, offering for him to come to his house if he needed, for taking care of him when he was having a panic attack, lying with him on the floor, not probing for answers and rushing him through his emotions, instead just letting Dan feel whatever it was he was feeling. 

“Phil,” Phil hummed in response, blinking over at Dan slowly. “What’s the point?”

Phil’s eyebrows knitted into a frown, “Of what?” 

“All of it. Everything. What’s the point of me doing my degree? What does it matter? I’m wasting my life. I’ll die and you’ll die and we’ll both become space dust one day and I just don’t know what the point of trying is when we’re all moving along an unstoppable timeline that will inevitably end in the death of every person we’ve ever known.” Dan mumbled into the carpet, looking up in time to see Phil blow out some air from his puffed out cheeks. 

“Well,” Phil turned back to the ceiling, “for me, I don’t think the point is to make a difference to the world, leave your marks and all that, you know? I think it’s about spending your life doing what makes you happy instead of what makes other people happy. Like you said, we’ve only got one life to live, so why waist it being sad? If something doesn’t make you happy, change it and if it does make you happy, hold on to it.” 

“I don’t know if being a lawyer will make me happy, though.” Dan admitted, “It’s certainly not making me happy at the moment.” 

“No one knows until they try it.” Phil chuckled lightly, looking towards Dan. “If you give it a go, give it the best you’ve got and you still don’t like it, then so be it, but I don’t think giving up before you’ve even really tried is the answer.” 

Dan considered it for a moment, looking between Phil’s large blue eyes.

“You’ve got this, Dan. I know you do.” Phil spoke again, quieter this time. “And if you feel like you’re losing your way a little bit, I’ll be here to help you, alright? I’ll lay on the floor for as long as you need me to.” 

Dan laughed at that and Phil’s own smile crept back onto his face. “There’s just so much to do and only one lifetime to do it. It doesn’t seem like enough time.” 

“That’s why you need to make the most of it while you can... YOLO.” Dan made a disgusted sound while Phil chuckled at his reaction. 

“If I had enough energy, I’d hit you.” Dan told him, feeling his dimple deepen into a smile. 

“I know, I know.” Phil laughed back. With noises that sounded like he was using way too much effort, Phil pulled himself from the floor and held a hand out for Dan to take, “Should we finish this assignment now?” 

Phil hauled Dan to his feet and brushed off his shoulders, giving him a reassuring smile before leading him back to the office chair. With a breath of assurance and a quick prayer to whoever was listening, Dan’s fingers hovered over the keys, ready to pick up where he had left off. Phil had pulled out his own laptop and had it balanced over his crossed legs as he reclined in a brown leather armchair that sat in the corner of the office, working on his self-appointed research duty. Phil sent Dan excerpts and sources, occasionally stopping to listen while Dan would read aloud whatever it was that he had just written, double-checking it made sense. 

He was still trusted with the task of bringing Dan regular fixes of caffeine and sugar, now balancing two mugs as he carefully entered the room, one for Dan and one for himself. He placed both mugs on the desk and dropped a packet of Maltesers he was carrying between his teeth into Dan’s lap. Dan snatched up the bag and shoved a few of the sweets into his mouth in one go,

“Read this and tell me what you think.” Dan said around a mouthful of melting chocolate, gesturing to the paragraph that he had just written. 

Phil lent over to him, bracing one of his hands on the armrest of Dan’s chair as he shifted closer to him in order to see the screen. He mumbled under his breath as he read the passage, stopping if he found an error and using his free hand to type in the correct word or add in proper grammar. Dan’s mouth was salivating from the chocolate, but the moment he looked over to Phil, his mouth instantly went dry, almost choking on his mouthful. Phil’s neck was outstretched in front of him and Dan could see the blue veins hidden beneath almost translucent white skin, the smell of whatever soap he used slightly intoxicating him. Where his hand balanced on the armrest, the knuckles of his fingers brushed against the warm skin of Dan’s bare forearm, causing his hairs to rise. The sharp angle of his jaw illuminated in the light from his computer screen, causing his face to appear even more pale and washed out that usual. Dan didn’t realise he was slowly moving closer until Phil unceremoniously stood back up to his proper height, snapping Dan out of his thoughts. 

“Sounds good to me.” Phil said completely oblivious to the way Dan frowned down at the bag of Maltesers in his lap. 

Dan banished the thoughts to the back of his mind, as Phil reclaimed his position in the leather armchair. Together, they worked through the night, Phil being as helpful as he could be and Dan squashing down any thought of Phil that wandered into his mind. It wasn’t until the sun was rising that they decided to take a little break. Dan fell asleep on his laptop and Phil let him sleep for half an hour before he could muster the heart to wake him. He woke in a start with the red print of the keys pressed into his cheek and his hair wild, trying desperately to flatten it down while Phil laughed at him. 

Phil brought him cereal for breakfast around 8:30am and coffee instead of tea. He then bought Dan a grilled cheese sandwich and a large glass of orange juice for lunch around 12pm, however most of it went untouched as the stress of having his assessment signed sealed and delivered in a mere three hours was enough to curb his appetite. 

Dan read his assignment all the way through, then re-read it, then made Phil read it and read it once more for good measure before he was able to upload it. Dan finally, _finally,_ submitted his assignment at 2:48pm with 12 minutes to spare on the deadline. 

With relieved, exhausted tears burning in his eyes, Dan lent back in the chair, his hands laced together behind his head and his entire body aching with enervation. After a moment of relishing the feeling of a weight being lifted from his chest, Dan staggered to his feet. Phil was stood in the door way, leaning against the door jam with his glasses in one hand and running his other tired hand through his hair, pushing his fringe away from his eyes to show the deep purple circles that encompassed the dulling blue of his eyes. Dan’s relief was replaced with guilt as he watched Phil yawn into the back of his hand. Shoving his laptop and its charger back into his bag, Dan slung the strap over his shoulder and walked to where Phil was guarding the entryway. 

“Thank you for everything, but I better go home and let you sleep.” Dan said though a handful of his own yawns, swaying dangerously on the spot. 

“You don’t have to go, you know.” Phil’s voice was croaky with sleep and for some reason it made Dan’s stomach feel warm. 

“But, I’ve already kept you up all night…” 

“Dan!” 

“What?” Dan’s eyes snap open. He hadn’t even realized they’d closed. 

“Seriously, stay. You can sleep in the spare room,” Phil gestured to somewhere behind him, but Dan didn’t really see through the force of his yawn. “You’re falling asleep standing up, mate. I don’t know if I trust you to get yourself home safely.” 

Who was Dan to argue with that logic? 

“Okay.” Dan gave in easily, dropping his bag back to the floor. 

After a half-arsed argument about Phil insisting Dan have a shower to make himself feel better, to which Dan ultimately lost, Phil came over to where Dan had propped himself up against the wall to keep himself upright, holding some folded material in his arms. It appeared to be a towel and some horribly patterned pajamas. Phil guided Dan to the bathroom, going as far to turn on the water of the shower for him and put the clothing and towel in a folded pile on the counter. 

He walked back over to the door, leaving Dan feeling a little lost in the middle of the cold bathroom. Before Phil closed the door he turned back to Dan,

“If you’re still in the bathroom in 10 minutes, I’m coming in to get you. I don’t need any passed out teenagers on my bathroom floor.” He said matter-of-factly, giving Dan a pointed look. 

Dan watched him for a moment, his blinking languid and his muscles slack, his eyebrows drawing together. “I’m not a teenager.” 

Phil hummed at that and shut the door, leaving Dan to clamper out of the clothes he had been wearing for over 36 hours and into the warm spray of water. The beating of the water on his face woke Dan up enough for him not to fall asleep in the shower, even going as far to squeeze a glob of Phil’s body wash into his hand and rub it over his chest. Dan rested his head against the wall of the shower, allowing the warm water to beat down on his face and dampen his hair. When he got out of the shower, Dan did a half-hearted job at drying himself, his hair still wet and curled, water droplets still clinging to his arms and legs as he wrestled with the shirt Phil gave him, hastily trying to get it over his head. 

Now that he was dressed, Dan looked in disgust at his reflection that stood in the large mirror above the sink. The pajama bottoms Phil had given him had bright blue Cookie Monsters all over them and his shirt was vibrant red and had some sort of comic book deign on it. Dan couldn’t help but wonder if it was tiring being this colourful all of the time, but despite every fiber in his body wanting to hate the pajamas, they were soft and they were warm and, most importantly, they smelled like Phil. 

With a smile on his face that was sure to be dopey, Dan wandered out of the bathroom to see Phil waiting for him with a glass of water in his hand, taking tentative sips. Phil placed the glass down,

“You’re lucky, you had two more minutes before I was coming in.” Phil’s voice had gotten croakier still and Dan couldn’t help as his smile stretched. 

Phil led him to a room off the lounge room, all of the blinds down and the blankets pulled back ready for Dan to climb in. Groaning in appreciation, Dan all but ran over to the bed, sinking down into the mattress with an appreciative sigh. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow. 

~*~

Dan woke from a dreamless sleep to the sound of incessant tapping and a muffled call of his name. His eyelids felt weighed down with lead as he tried to peel them open, his mouth was dry and sticky and tasted terrible. He smacked his lips together and ran his tongue over the roof of his mouth, trying desperately to create any type of moisture. When his was finally able to open his eyes more than just a flutter, his heart stopped dead in his chest. He wasn’t in his own bed. He wasn’t in his own room. Hell, he wasn’t even in his own clothes. His eyes searched wildly around the foreign room as his body snapped upright in the bed, the blankets pooling around his waist as he fought with the sleep that still clung to the corners of his mind, suspended in a half-awake state. 

The tapping came again, followed by his name. Dan’s attention was drawn to the source of the sound that seemed to be coming from behind the door to the room. He watched in fright and confusion as the door handle turned and light from beyond the bedroom spilled in through the gap, Phil’s head popping in a moment later. 

His eyes landed on Dan and a smile split his face in two. “Oh, good. You’re up.”

Dan could feel his heartbeat calm from where it was jackhammering against his ribs, sighing as Phil opened the door wider, the events of last night rushing back to him. Phil didn’t look like he had when he left Dan the night before. He was glasses-less, dressed in skinny jeans and a colourful t-shirt, his hair styled to the side and smelling of something wonderful. Maybe sugar cookies and bacon. 

“How’d you sleep?” Phil asked bounding over to the bed and sitting down on the bottom corner with one leg tucked under his bum.

“Alright.” Dan yawned, rubbing the tiredness out of his eyes. “Almost feels like I didn’t sleep at all.” 

Phil laughed at that and Dan’s hands flopped into his lap. “Well, believe me, you slept. 18 hours you were out for.” 

“What?” Dan questioned, genuinely surprised, his eyebrows rising up to his hairline. 

“Yep.” Phil confirmed, nodding. “Had to come in to make sure you were still breathing.” 

“Oh, god.” Dan sighed, dropping his head and scratching the back of his neck. “You’re probably waiting to get rid of me, right? Sorry, I’ll get out of your hair.” 

He pulled back the blankets and swung his legs over the side of the bed, freezing when he felt Phil reach out to stop him. 

“No, not at all. I was just going to tell you that I made breakfast and if you want any, you’d better hurry up before it gets cold.” Phil jabbed his thumb over his shoulder towards the door as if to prove his point. 

“You made breakfast?” Dan repeated skeptically, watching Phil with knitted eyebrows. 

“Yeah.” Phil smiled enthusiastically, nodding. “Pancakes and bacon. I tried to wait for you to wake up before I started cooking, but I was too hungry.”

Well, that explains the smell. Dan still felt unsure as his tired eyes flickered between Phil’s wide awake ones. He wasn’t sure if he trusted Phil with a lit match let alone a gas burning fire. It was a wonder he hadn’t burnt the whole house down, but, despite his wariness, at the mention of food, Dan felt suddenly very hungry. 18 hours was a long time to go without food or water. 

“Alright.” Dan staggered to his feet, pointing a long finger towards the door. “Feed me, Phillip.” 

Phil chuckled and rolled his eyes as he too rose from the bed and led Dan out of the room. Dan followed Phil to the kitchen where a plate of pancakes was piled high along with a mountain of bacon. Dan could hear his stomach rumble with hunger and he placed his hands over his stomach to try and muffle the sound, but he was pretty sure Phil could hear it too, judging by the way a smirk tugged on the corner of his mouth. Phil loaded up two large plates with copious amounts of food, handing one to Dan with a knife and a fork before picking up his own. 

They sat at the breakfast bar as they ate, the informality of it all strangely comforting as Dan swiveled on his stool and scraped his bare toes over the hardwood floors. Dan didn’t feel pressured to fill up the silence with meaningless words, so he didn’t, enjoying the quiet of the morning, broken only by the sound of knives scratching against the ceramic plates. He took the time to admire the kitchen; it was quite narrow, but beautifully decorated with marble countertops and a gas-burning hob, rich wooden cupboards and a large stainless steal sink, stacked with dirty dishes from Phil’s culinary adventures. 

Once they were finished eating and there wasn’t a crumb of food left on either plate, Dan offered to wash up by way of thanks without actually having to say the words. Phil sipped his coffee as he watched Dan scrub the dishes, his elbows rested on the bench and his feet dangling off the stool, humming a tuneless song under his breath. 

It felt weirdly domestic. Dan nibbled on his lip as he tried to keep his thoughts from wondering to places they shouldn’t go, places they definitely seemed to be going a lot as of late, places where Dan could swear Phil was watching him with a glint of something less than innocent in his eyes. He was concentrating so hard on not thinking about Phil that he almost jumped out of his skin when he felt something warm encompass his hip. 

Phil’s hand on Dan’s hip, guided him a step forward, closer towards the skin so Phil could walk behind him. His fingers trailed over the waistband of Dan’s pajamas as he stepped around him to place his now-empty coffee mug on the bench for Dan to wash, the tips of his fingers still hovering lightly on Dan’s opposite hip. Dan’s hands froze from where he was holding a plate half submerged in soapy water, his heart lodged somewhere in his throat and his stomach somewhere on the floor. As if in slow motion, Dan turned his head towards Phil, his line of sight coming directly across Phil’s cheek. Phil withdrew his hand from the mug, blinking as he also turned in the direction of Dan’s blushing face, their noses mere inches apart. A smile showed in Phil’s eyes before it showed on his mouth, but Dan couldn’t stop his gaze from dropping downwards to confirm that, yes, Phil’s lips were definitely stretching upwards while Dan’s own mouth was slightly slack. 

With time still moving at a snail’s pace, Dan’s eyes drifted back up to Phil’s, the smell of coffee on his breath, making the air thick and hard to breathe. Then, suddenly, Phil’s hand came down in a slap against Dan’s shoulder, shattering the moment that Dan wasn’t even sure could be considered ‘a _moment’._

“Thanks, mate.” Phil grinned as he stepped back around Dan and perched himself on the stool while Dan stared at the spot Phil was standing moments ago. 

His mind felt numb as he blinked himself out of his trance-like state, his heart feeling awfully heavy. Dan cleared his throat and focused his attention back to the sink, pushing down the charged sensation that buzzed in his fingertips. As quickly as he could without smashing anything, Dan finished the dishes, drying his hands off on a dishtowel and folding it onto the bench. 

“I should probably go…” Dan scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, watching as Phil looked up from where he was tapping away on his phone. 

“Oh…” Phil looked genuinely disappointed, and Dan had to fight with everything he had not to cave into those big blue eyes. 

“I’ll just get dressed and head off then, yeah?” Dan wasn’t sure why he worded it like a question. Maybe he was hoping Phil would try to stop him. 

“Yeah, okay.” No such luck. “They’re in the dryer. I washed them this morning for you.” 

Phil hopped off the chair to go and fetch Dan’s clothes. Dan slowly wandered behind him, casting a glance over the house, truly appreciating it now that he wasn’t rushing to cram in an assignment or floating on a cloud of sleep-deprived delirium. The lounge room was very elaborately furnished and smelled faintly of polish, which could very possibly be from plushest and most ornate wooden furniture or the scented candle burning on the centre of the coffee table. The cream coloured walls all but glowed in the mid-morning light; this room alone could have potentially been an advert for a home and garden network. It was gorgeous, obviously, with its honey wood floors and picturesque windows peppering every room. Dan was standing in the middle of the lounge room, admiring the crown molding on the ceiling when Phil trotted back in his arms full of black material.

“Your house is beautiful.” Dan said in somewhat of an awed tone. 

Phil shrugged and clicked his teeth. “Mummy and Daddy only get the best.” 

Dan accepted the clothes that Phil gave him, still warm from the dryer and smelling undeniably of Phil. Phil directed Dan to the nearest bathroom to get changed in and he did so quickly, folding up Phil’s used pajamas and placing them in a neat pile on the bathroom counter. He did what he could to fix his hair (which wasn’t much, the ends curling upwards and the sides refusing to stay down), before sighing dejectedly at his refection. 

He was still toying with his fringe as he left the bathroom, placing the stands delicately across his forehead, only to feel them spring back a second later. Dan followed the unmistakable sound of the television to the lounge room where he found Phil lying upside down on the couch with his feet hanging over the backrest and his head cocked to the side as he watch some mindless mid-Saturday morning cartoons. When Phil heard Dan enter the room, he swung his legs to the side to turn himself the right way up, his foot catching on the shade of the lamp knocking it off centre. Phil didn’t seem to notice, but Dan couldn’t help the way his lips turned up at the corners as Phil jumped to his feet and straightened the hem of his shirt. 

“All ready to go, then?” Phil asked, clapping his hands together in front of him. 

“Yeah. I’ll just grab my bag and get going.” Dan gestured in the general direction of the office he was working in the day before.

“I already called you a car. Thought I’d save you the hassle. It’ll be here in around ten minutes.” Phil’s voice followed after him as they walked further into the house. 

Dan’s bag was on the floor leaning against the doorjamb of the office, in the exact spot he had left it with its zippers half down and laptop cords spilling out of the gap. He crouched to the floor to shove the charger back in his bag and Phil leant on the opposite side of the door, his arms crossed loosely over his chest and his eyes watching Dan intently. As Dan stuffed the rest of his belongings into his bag, he couldn’t help but feel his chest swell with a great appreciation for Phil; he had opened his doors to Dan when he needed him most, even made him breakfast for fuck’s sake. Filled with an unashamed sensation of gratitude, Dan stood up to his full height, his bag abandoned at his feet and pulled Phil into his chest. 

Phil made a surprised sound at the sudden movement, but melded into the hug quickly, one of his hand’s splayed between Dan’s shoulder blades and the other spread over his lower back. Dan wasn’t much of a _‘hugger’,_ if he was being honest, he was more of a _‘nod-from-a-distance-and-avoid-all-physical-contact’_ kind of person, but after everything Phil had done for him, he had definitely earned himself a hug. However, after experiencing a hug with Phil when Dan wasn’t on the verge of a mental breakdown, he may well and truly be walking down the road of becoming a _‘hugger’._ It was everything a hug should be; their chests flush together, Phil’s arms warm and comforting, their heads resting together and their breathing synchronized. 

Dan was finally able to let his hands slip and step back after what felt like an eternity, but in reality was a mere few minutes. Phil’s smile was blinding and Dan felt like we was looking at the sun, not wanting to look away but genuinely fearing for his retinas. Unable to think about anything other than the pure white light radiating from the person in front of him, let alone form intelligible sentences, Dan bent to pick up his bag and slipped it onto his back. 

Phil walked Dan to the front door, the silence between them light and not at all uncomfortable. When he opened the door, the car had just pulled up on the curb outside Phil’s house. Phil coaxed Dan into one last hug before he would let him leave, using his body as a blockade, refusing to move until Dan hugged him again, laughing manically the entire time. Dan rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically as he gave in, reciprocating Phil’s hug with a half-arsed, one-armed pat on the back despite wanting desperately to cling to Phil and not let go. When Phil finally released him, after they could both see the driver becoming increasingly inpatient, Dan trotted down the steps and offered a quick wave over the back of his head as his last goodbye. 

“Don’t be a stranger. Call me!” Phil yelled out with his hands cupped around his mouth just as Dan was climbing into the back of the car. 

“Okay!” Dan shouted back, closing the door and holding his thumb up out of the rolled down window. 

Phil returned the gesture and the car started to take off down he road. Dan swiveled in his seat to watch out of the rear window as Phil still stood at the front door with his thumbs up and the grin that spread across Dan’s mouth almost split his face in half.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm tired okay


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is super late!

“How have you never seen Star Wars?” Phil sounded shocked. No, appalled. 

“It’s not like I’ve been avoiding it on purpose…” Dan’s voice rose in his own defense, bracing his phone between his ear and his shoulder to free his hands. “I’ve just never come across it.” 

“But it’s _Star Wars.”_ Phil whined down the line and Dan could only imagine his face, the thought having him grinning like an idiot as his pulled his leg up to his chest in order to reach his untied shoelace.

“Yes, I know.” Dan tried to keep the smile out of his voice and he double-knotted his laces, stretching his leg back out to admire his work. 

“Come over. We’re going to watch them.” Phil’s voice sounded final, but Dan wanted to argue anyway (blame the lawyer in him). 

“All of them?”

“All of them.”

“Now?”

“Right now.” 

“Ugh. Fine.” Dan gave in and dropped his leg back to the floor, his smile unmoving on his face. 

“Bring pizza.” Phil ordered before he ended the call, the dial tone ringing through Dan’s ear. 

~*~

Somehow, Phil’s presence had just become apart of Dan’s life. It had happened so gradually that Dan hadn’t realised it was happening. Only now that he was standing outside of Phil’s front door with his arms full of pizza boxes and his bag filled with a change of clothes and a toothbrush for the third day in a row, did Dan suddenly become very aware of it. It didn’t bother him as much as he would have assumed spending so much time with someone would; Dan was merely surprised at how Phil fit so seamlessly into his life. 

With a barely disguised smile that he tucked into his chest, Dan struck his foot out against the front door in two small kicks by way of knocking, his shoe tapping on the polished wood. He repositioned the pizza boxes in his hands as he heard movement from inside the house, peaking curiously through the frosted window beside the door and into to room beyond. Phil’s hazy figure came into focus and Dan stood back up straight just in time for Phil to fling the door open, with one hand on his hip and the other still holding to the brass door handle. 

“It’s _Star Wars,_ Dan.” Phil frowned at him, his voice overly riled. 

“Hello to you, too.” Dan laughed as he stepped around Phil and entered the house. 

“I honestly don’t know how we became friends if you’ve never seen Star Wars.” Phil closed the door behind him and followed Dan as he made his way to the lounge room. “I reference it all the time.” 

“Yeah,” Dan shrugged, placing the boxes down on the coffee table. “I just pretend I know what you’re talking about and laugh out of pity.” 

Dan spun to see Phil place his hand delicately on his chest over his heart, his face turned down in a faux-frown “Ouch.” 

Phil’s hurt expression melted into a beaming smile a moment later as he bounded over to the couch and flopped down. The television was already playing the menu screen for the first movie – or the fourth movie; Dan wasn’t entirely sure, the sequencing of the films was very confusing – and Phil bounced up and down excitedly on the edge of his seat as he waited for Dan to sit as well. Dan opened one of the boxes and grabbed a slice of the somehow still warm pizza and sat at the far edge of the couch.

“Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready?” Phil buzzed from beside him, the remote poised, waiting in his hand.

“Can I even say ‘no’ at his point?” Dan asked around a mouthful of half-chewed dough and melted cheese. 

“Nope.” His friend shook his head and Dan nodded.

“Then, I guess I’m ready.” 

Phil pressed play and took his own slice of Pizza before sinking back into the couch and watching intently as the opening scene began to play. Dan was too busy watching Phil to pay attention to whatever what happening in the movie. 

“How do you not like cheese, but you’ll eat pizza like it’s going out of style?” Dan question, discarding his uneaten trust into the box and picking out a new slice. 

“Shh!” Phil shushed him, without taking his eyes from the screen. “You’re missing it.” 

Dan rolled his eyes before focusing back on the movie; Phil would have undoubtedly devised a pop quiz that he would have to take once the film was finished. They continued to watch the movie in relative silence, Phil silencing Dan whenever he would voice an opinion or complain about the CGI. Thanks to the popularity of the Star Wars franchise, Dan was able to piece together the plot and all the different character arcs without much difficulty, leaving him plenty of time to sneak glances in Phil’s direction. 

In all honesty, Dan would much rather watch Phil watch the movie than actually watch the movie himself. It started off as something funny; Dan would look over to see Phil mouthing the words in time to the voices on the screen, his facial features echoing those of the characters with seamless accuracy and Dan would hold down laugher as he turned back in his seat, his shoulders shaking with the force to contain it. Now, however, it was fascinating. More often than not, Dan would catch his eyes drifting from the screen to study the person next to him, his silent laughter shifting into a silent smirk, which in turn transformed into soft smile; a smile that Dan seemed to be reserving only for Phil. 

He watched Phil’s profile as his eyes flickered over the screen; his lips parted slightly, his back hunched forward as he rested his elbows on his knees, bracketing his jaw between his palms. Phil caught Dan staring a few time, his lips curving into a smile and Dan would quickly look away, blushing, embarrassed of getting found-out. But, before long, Dan would find his attention back on Phil, his eyes tracing the profile of his face, wishing he could reach out an map the lines of his cheekbones with his fingers instead. 

This time when Phil glanced over to see Dan watching him, Dan didn’t look away. It almost felt like he had forgotten how. Everything compared to Phil felt dark and dreary, and now that Dan had experienced what it felt like to bask in the shining light Phil emitted, it was almost impossible to tear his eyes away. Warm bubbles of something pleasant popped inside Dan’s chest, spreading tickly heat over his skin and down his spine, his fingertips tingling. 

Dan’s eyes watched as Phil’s lips curved and stretched with a small analysing frown forming in the centre of his eyebrows, his head cocking to the side. It wasn’t until Dan glanced back up to Phil’s eyes to see him looking at him expectantly that he realized he’d even said anything. 

“Sorry, what?” Dan shook his head to banish his dazed feeling. 

“I said,” Phil enunciated exaggeratedly, “Did you like the movie? You’re eyes went a little glazed over there at the end.” 

“Yeah, it was… good?” Dan smiled unconvincingly and Phil groaned loudly, dropping his head back on his shoulders. 

“You weren’t even watching it, were you?” Phil turned his head in Dan’s direction. 

“I was!” Dan lied, and he probably would have gotten away with it if it hadn’t been for the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. 

“Alright then,” Phil sat up straight and turned his body in Dan’s direction, tucking one of his legs under his bum, “Pop quiz,” Dan groaned internally. He fucking knew it. “Who is Qui-Gon Jinn?” 

Dan considered it for a moment, “The guy with the Lightsaber?”

“I knew you weren’t watching it!” Phil launched himself at Dan and Dan had just enough time to put his hand up in front of himself before Phil’s body collided with his own. 

Phil’s fist made half-hearted punches into Dan’s arm and Dan did his best to wriggle out from under his attacker, but it was getting increasingly difficult when he couldn’t breath properly from how hard he was laughing. 

“I’m sorry,” Dan wheezed, “I’m sorry! I promise I’ll watch the next one!” 

Phil clambered off Dan, his expression painted with the air of victory, “You better.” 

As Dan lay there with his chest heaving and a stupid smile plastered to his face while Phil prepared next movie of their marathon, did Dan realised that the tightening in his stomach and the tingling in his chest was definitely the beginnings of a small crush. Also, as Phil slandered back over to the couch with a cheeky sway of his hips, did Dan realise his crush may not be as small as he originally thought. 

~*~

Dan never thought he would be angry about the idea of sex, and yet, there he was. 

Sex was fine… theoretically. It was fine when it wasn’t done in a block of dorm rooms where the walls were paper-thin. It was fine when the bed that said sex was happening on wasn’t pushed up against one of the said walls and banging rhythmically. It was fine when both participants weren’t screaming at the tops of their lungs and verging on sounding like they were being brutally slaughtered. It was fine when it wasn’t happening in the room right next to Dan’s and hadn’t been going on for two fucking hours. 

Initially, when the first sounds of bedsprings squeaking and quiet moans had started, Dan had found it quietly amusing. He had rolled his eyes with a scoff and placed his headphones in, starting on a new page of his textbook. Gradually the noises got louder and Dan would turn the volume up on his music to drown them back out. Now, however, when Dan’s music was up as loud as it would go and he was still able to hear them as clear as day, Dan let out a strangled cry of his own and dropped his head down onto his open textbook. He was glad that they we’re having a good time. Trilled, even. But it was just so fucking _distracting._

The final straw snapped when one of the voices, specifically female, screamed loud enough for the _entire_ dorm block to hear, “Fuck me harder, Daddy!” 

“Nope.” Dan sat bolt upright, slapping his textbook closed and ripping his headphones out of his ears. “Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.” He muttered to himself as he collected things from around his room, shaking his head. “Nope. Nope. Nope.” He continued to mumble as he left his room, his textbook tucked under one arm, his hands fiddling with his key in the lock. “Nope… Nuh-uh. Mh-mh.” He powerwalked past the room of the crazed sex people with his hands clamped over his ears singing _la la la la la la_ until he reached the stairs and processed to trot down the steps. 

He walked swiftly out of the building, his face still pulled in a look of disgust. Dan swore he could still hear them, even now that he was halfway across the courtyard in front of the dorm rooms and his feet picked up their pace. Dan was out of breath by the time he decided he was far enough away, stopping in front of a park bench and dropping his books onto the seat. He shook his hands and head in disgust, trying to physically rid himself of the mental images playing in his mind, and to any bystander, probably looking like bees were attacking him. 

After he had finished his freak-out, Dan plopped himself on the bench and picked up his text book to the page he had spent 45 minutes trying to read, but being unable to concentrate from all the banging and moaning going on from the room next to his. Luckily for Dan, it was a rare day in autumn when the sky decided to hold off on its pre-scheduled downpour, in favor of blue skies and slightly warmer than freezing weather. With one of his legs crossed over the other and the wooden slats of the park bench biting into his shoulder blades, the comforting sound of car horns and feral pigeons cooing, Dan was finally able to read. 

Dan finished the chapter in relatively good time, but he was still outside long enough to feel the sun beginning to turn the back of his neck a light shade of pink. He snapped the textbook closed and rubbed his hand over his face, lounging back in the uncomfortable bench seat. Dan let his head lull back on his shoulders and shut his eyes, his face in direct sunlight, soaking up its rays and relishing the warm sensation on his skin. Being at University, Dan never really had the time to be in the sun, just sit and enjoy its warmth, and it had started to show, his complexion having paled considerably. 

After awhile of being in the sun, a pink flush gracing his cheeks, Dan decided to leave the park bench and make his way back to his room. Surely, _surely,_ his neighbours would be finished with their weird sex acts by now (the thought alone made him shiver) and he could return back to the safety of his dorm. Dan collected his book and clambered to his feet. He stretched his arms high above his head and glanced around lazily, noticing a impromptu game of football happening across the quad, a few other students having the same idea he had and reading in the sun, one poor girl rushing to a class with her hands full of loose-leaf papers and a panicked expression, another boy sitting under a shady tree with a large sketchbook in his lap. A zap of realisation hit Dan and a large smile split into his face as he recognised the person under the tree as non other than Phil. 

Dan barely contained his urge to skip over to Phil, instead choosing to walk briskly with his textbook hugged close to his chest and his grin unmoving on his lips. Phil had his knees drawn close to his chest with a large white sketchpad balanced carefully on his legs. His head was cocked to the side in concentration as his pencil glided over the paper with precise strokes, nibbling thoughtfully on his lip, pencils and books scattered around him in haphazard piles. It was only when the tips of Dan’s shoes were touching Phil’s and his silhouette cast a long shadow over Phil’s book, did he bother to look up. 

“Oh! Hi!” Phil greeted, his smile instantly transforming his face. He had to squint with one eye to block out the glare from the sun and it made his grin kind of wonky. Phil’s head was right back on his shoulders so his friend could look up at him and Dan could see up his nose, but it was still sort of beautiful and it made Dan’s heart ache in the strangest way. 

“Hi.” Dan returned, showing his own closed-lipped smile, very aware the Phil could probably also see up his nose. “What are you drawing?” 

Phil’s smile faltered for a second, “… Nothing.” 

Phil’s evasion made Dan all the more curious, “Show me.”

Dan craned his neck further forward to see the drawing, but Phil hugged the sketchbook to his chest, his lip curving in a pout and shaking his head. “No.”

“Why not?” Dan probed further, a frown forming on his own lips. 

“It’s embarrassing.” Phil whined, pulling the book back far enough to have a peak as if to make sure it still looked the same from when he left it. 

“I’m sure it’s great,” Dan promised… and so what if his opinion was a little bias, because at this stage Phil could show him a scribble done with crayons and tell Dan it was a masterpiece and Dan would probably believe him. 

Phil considered it for a moment before he begrudgingly flipped his sketchbook around to show Dan his artwork. Dan had to crouch out of the glare of the sun in order to see the drawing properly, he held onto Phil’s ankle to keep himself steady as he apprised the artwork.

It was a tree. A pretty average tree with average branches and average leaves, held up by a pretty average trunk and secured to the ground with average roots. 

Dan loved it. 

“It’s amazing!” He exclaimed, his heart leaping into his throat as he watched Phil’s smile reinvade his face. 

“Really?” Phil looked like an excited child and Dan felt like a protective parent. 

“Absolutely.” Dan nodded, staggering back to his feet. 

Phil looked down at his picture proudly; looking pretty chuffed about the praise he’d received. Dan’s phone buzzed in his pocket and he dug it out and read the small text notification floating on the screen, his heart sinking slightly. 

“I’ve got to go.” Dan said with a sigh, waving his phone in his fingers as explanation when Phil looked up. “I’m supposed to be meeting up with the people I’m doing a group assignment with in an hour. I just got the text then, but I need to go home and get my stuff first.” 

“Okay.” Phil smiled, “What are you doing tomorrow? Maybe we could hang out?” 

“I have a lecture at 10, but after that I’m free.” Dan nibbled on the side of his thumbnail. 

Phil looked down at his sketchbook and picked up his pencil, “Cool.” 

“Cool.” Dan agreed and spun on his head.

Dan was only a few steps away when he heard Phil call out his name. Ignoring the way his heart summersaulted with joy, he looked around in time to see Phil stumble from the ground and jog towards him, a black notebook in his hand. “I think you dropped this.” 

Phil handed him the notebook and Dan turned it over in his hands. He didn’t remember bringing out a book other than his textbook, but the notepad definitely belonged to him, his name written in permanent marker in the top right hand corner of the cover. 

“Thanks… I didn’t realise I even had it.” Dan said truthfully and placed it under his arm with his textbook. 

“No worries. See you tomorrow!” Phil grinned brightly before he returned back to his spot under the tree. 

Dan also began the leisurely walk back to his dorm room. When he arrived, the animalistic sounds of sex were nowhere to be heard and Dan almost cheered out loud. He dropped his textbook onto his desk along with the notepad Phil had given him. Dan started to collect the things he would need for his group meeting, laptop, pens, books, chocolate bar, a book on how to perform your own pickaxe lobotomy. All the normal things. He reached over to pluck his phone off his desk when he saw a small corner of folded up paper poking out of the notebook Phil had given him. With confusion lighting his features and a strip of string cheese hanging half out of his mouth, Dan slipped out the small square of paper. 

It was folded six times and Dan was losing his patience by the fourth fold, but he contained himself long enough to flatten out the crinkled page that had been clearly ripped from a sketchbook. On the paper was a drawing, but not any drawing, it was a drawing of him. 

Multiple pencil strokes made up a drawing of Dan sitting on the park bench he was on earlier, with his back hunched forward and his elbows on his knees, his textbook balancing in his hands. Everything made up of fine grey lines that made Dan’s heart swell and his eyes crinkle at the sides as he looked at his portrait. Phil’s name was written just under the bench along with a little note that said _‘I wasn’t really drawing a tree’_ and Dan was hit with the sudden urge to cry. 

Dan used his phone to snap a picture and sent it to Phil, captioning it “not creepy or anything…” 

Phil replied less than a minute later.

Phil  
12:43pm  
_I was there first! I was already drawing the bench and then you sat down so I put you on it. I hope you like it!_

The message was followed by eight random emojis and exclamation points. 

Dan folded the picture back up and placed it in his wallet, his smile not shifting from his face until he was tucked up in bed that night. 

~*~

It was the following Thursday afternoon and Dan was squished up against Phil on the couch, absolutely kicking his arse at Mario Cart. Much to Dan’s delight and Phil’s dismay, Dan had won six out of the seven races they have had, the only game keeping him from a perfect score was when Phil had gotten frustrated and snatched Dan’s controller out of his hands and dropped it behind the couch. 

Phil had whined and sunk into Dan’s side as Dan raised his controller above his head in victory, crossing the finish line first for the seventh time, winning yet another race. He continued to make fake crying sounds and even though it was highly exaggerated and silly, it still pulled at Dan’s heartstrings and made his victory feel much less sweet. He lowered his triumphant fist pump and dropped his arms around Phil’s shoulders and Phil’s head slipped lower, now no longer supported by Dan’s shoulder, resting against Dan’s chest. Dan’s long arms wrapped around Phil’s head and gave it a squeeze by way of a hug and Phil squealed from under his embrace. 

Phil struggled out of Dan’s grip, his hands splayed against Dan’s stomach as he tried to pull himself away from the headlock he had found himself in. Dan gave in after putting up a weak fight and released Phil’s head, the unexpected lack of resistance sending Phil toppling to the other side of the couch, Dan laughing breathily. 

Phil lay back on the couch with one knee resting against the back and his other foot on the floor, his back propped up by the armrest, his hair a tussled mess, his chest rising and falling as he panted slightly. Dan swallowed hard and looked away quickly, trying desperately to banish the image of Phil’s half lidded eyes and pink cheeks from his mind, but alas, the more he tried, the clearer it became. 

“Daniel.” Dan looked over to where Phil had sat up slightly and was fixing his fringe, arguably looking less like sin and more like the sweet angel Dan was used to. 

“Phillip.” Dan countered, thumbing the toggles of his controller. 

“I was wondering,” Phil looked up then, his eyes a striking blue and his cheeks still slightly pinked, “If maybe you would like to–”, 

Phil’s voice haltered as both boys looked to where Phil’s phone had started to ring; face down and vibrating against the coffee table, playing the default ringtone. He frowned as he picked it up, his eyes looking over the caller ID with a quizzical expression before he pressed the decline button, glancing back up at Dan. “As I was saying–”

Phil sighed as his phone began to ring again. Once again, they both looked over, but his time Phil’s phone was facing up and Dan could see the caller ID was ‘Dad’ and an angry photo of their Environment Law professor blinking onto the screen. Phil yanked his phone off of the table and tapped his thumb on the decline button once more, dropping the device into his lap and sighing again as he turned to face Dan. 

“Would you like to– Oh my god, what do you want?!” Dan’s eyes widened in surprise as Phil yelled at his phone, plucking it back out of his lap to hold it against his ear. 

“What?” He answered angrily and Dan was quite startled. He’d never heard Phil’s voice hold any sort of malice and yet there he was, his words seething as he pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. 

“Why?” Phil’s reply to whatever his father had said to him was short and cutting. 

Dan had never head Phil speak to anyone like that, and if he was being honest, he didn’t like it at all.  
Dan could only hear Phil’s end of the conversation, his dad’s voice muffled through the receiver, but from what he could hear, Phil did not want to do whatever it was his dad was asking of him. 

“I really doubt that they would want that.” Phil’s voice had lost its edge, now he seemed more upset than annoyed. 

“It is not a question Philip!” Phil pulled his phone away from his ear, wincing as his dad yelled down the line; his words clear as any, even to Dan who was sitting at the other end of the couch. 

Dan felt helpless as he watched Phil take a deep, calming breath before he excused himself, stepping into the kitchen to continue his conversation with his father. Dan watched him go over the back of the couch, his heart heavy and his lungs deflated. He could still hear Phil mumbling through the walls of the house, his voice rising every so often, but he would quiet back down a second later. 

It was about five minutes since Phil had left Dan alone in the lounge room and Dan had done his best to amuse himself without continuing on with the videogame. He was pulling at a loose string on one of the decorative cushions when Phil finally reentered the room, dropping down on the couch next to Dan with his legs crossed under his body and his hands clapping together in his lap.

“So,” Phil started, his voice sounding overly cheerful. It made Dan feel uneasy. “What are you doing this weekend?” 

“This?” He answered skeptically, gesturing down to the controller he had balancing on the cushion. 

“Wrong! You’re coming for a trip up north with me! Yay!” Phil’s mouth smiled widely, but it did not meet his eyes. 

“Why?” Dan wasn’t opposed to spending the whole weekend with Phil; after all that was exactly what he’d been doing for most of his weekends, anyway, but Dan and Phil had never gone away on a weekend together; the thought was both exciting and nerve wracking. 

“My grandparents have gone to Spain for three weeks and my brother was supposed to check on their house and make sure it was fine, all the gardens are being maintained and the pool is being cleaned and whatever, but he bailed so now I have to do it and I’m dragging you there with me.” Phil continued to smile falsely.

“Again, why?” Dan questioned for a second time, watching as Phil’s front started to waver. 

Phil swayed his hand nonchalantly. “Because, I need you to help me feed their cat and stuff.” 

“They have a cat?” 

“No. I don’t know why I said that.” Phil frowned and shook his head at himself before he shuffled forward on the couch and took one of Dan’s hands between both of his own. “Please come with me? Please, please, please?” 

Maybe it was Phil’s fingers clinging tightly to his own, or his wide eyes searching his, rimmed with desperation, or the fact that Dan just couldn’t say no to Phil no matter how hard he tied, that Dan gave in without any further objection. “Fine.” 

~*~

“We’re going to miss the train!” Phil squawked, hopping from one foot to the other, trying to distract himself from the fact that they were indeed running very, very late. 

“I know.” Dan nibbled his bottom lip, his eyes searching down the street for the car that they had called for some twenty minutes ago. 

“Where is that bloody car?” Phil voiced Dan’s thoughts, his own gaze fixed on the road. 

Dan didn’t have the chance to answer because as if summoned by the mere mention of it, the car was pulling into Phil’s street and coming to a stop just in front of them. Not bothering to put their things in the boot (they only had two backpacks, one duffle bag and a suitcase between them), they climbed into the back seat and piled their bags on their laps. Phil lent forward and told the driver to take them to the train station and Dan sat back, clicking in his seatbelt. The car jolted forward before Phil had a chance to do his own seatbelt and he slid backwards in his seat. 

They got to the train station in relatively good time since their driver was doing at least 20km over the speed limit the whole way there, the tires screeching against the asphalt as they jerked to a stop. Dan and Phil collected their things in their arms and fled the car after paying the driver. Dan looped the strap of his backpack over his shoulder as Phil did the same with his own; both of them power walking towards the entrance. Phil pulled the suitcase behind him and Dan adjusted his grip on the duffle bag as they swiped their oyster cards and stepped through the small gates. Multiple screens with towns and scheduled train times greeted them as they stepped through the gateway. Dan caught sight of their train, due to be arriving in one minute. 

“Shit.” He whispered under his breath, drawing Phil’s attention. “Come on,” 

Without thinking, Dan grabbed Phil’s free hand in his own and started running towards their platform. Dan’s bag jostled on his back and Phil’s fingers clung tightly to his own as they weaved through the busy station. Their train had already arrived by the time they reached their platform, a few passengers entering to take their seats, and Dan pulled Phil along faster. Dan had just managed to drag Phil onto the train when the automatic doors closed shut behind them and the train started off down the track. With Phil’s hand still securely in his own and his heart dragging somewhere behind him on the floor, Dan led him through the carriages towards the back. Once in the quiet back corner of the train Dan finally released Phil’s hand, placing their bags on the baggage shelf above them before dropping down onto the seat and folding his legs into the small space. 

Phil sat opposite Dan, their knees knocking together as the train swayed on the tracks, but Dan pretended not to notice, pulling out the reading assignment he had been given and flicking to the dog-eared page of his textbook. 

“Don’t tell me you’re going to be reading the whole way.” Phil whined and Dan glanced up over the top of his book. 

“I’m going to be reading the whole way.” He said with a poorly disguised smile in his voice.

“What am I supposed to do, then?” Phil continued to pout. 

“I told you to bring a book.” Dan lowered his textbook and regarded Phil with an expression that he hoped was disappointment, but it probably looked more like fondness. 

“And I told you,” Phil raised his eyebrows sassily, “I can’t read on trains. I get motion sick.” 

“Then you better figure something out, because I need to have this done by Monday.” That was that. Dan placed in his headphones and ignored Phil’s further complains and childish whining, directed his full attention to the words in front of him. 

It was about half an hour before Phil gave up on trying to distract Dan. He had stopped flicking him in the knee and he had finished trying to ask him a million questions. Dan glanced up from his book to look at his friend, mainly to check that he was still alive since he wasn’t touching him every chance he got, but also because he could only resist himself the pleasure to look upon such beauty for so long. Phil had his arm rested against the window of the train and looking out to the trees that flashed past them in a green blur, his eyes reflecting the stormy grey of the clouds. His eyelids drooped slowly as he fought the sleep he’d missed out on from his early morning, Phil’s face scrunching up from the force of a yawn he didn’t bother concealing. Dan smiled back down at his book and continued to read. 

He only looked up again when he felt Phil’s knee knock purposefully against his own at the same moment the train began to slow. Phil awkwardly hopped out of the barrier Dan had created with his legs, almost tripping when the toe of his shoe caught on Dan’s thigh as he tried to skip into the isle, but he caught himself just in time. Dan pulled out his earphones and shoved them and his phone into his pocket before slamming his book shut and clambering to his feet to help Phil retrieve their luggage from the baggage area. The train glided to a stop and the boys dragged their bags out of the carriage, Dan’s feet tingling from lack of use and his neck sore from looking down for so long. 

Dan followed Phil out of the train station and to a black car, hanging back with his duffle bag hauled up in front of him as Phil bent down to speak to the driver through the passenger side window. After a little bit of deliberation, the driver popped open the boot for them to put their luggage inside. They crawled into the back seat, their shoulders pressed together and Dan’s knees touching the back of the driver’s seat. 

Phil was quiet for the drive, his eyes not veering from the road in front of them and his face becoming considerably paler as their car started to take the sharp corners of the road a little too fast to be considered safe. 

“Are you okay?” Dan asked leaning in closer to Phil so the driver wouldn’t be able to hear. 

Phil glanced at him quickly, his lips pressed into a hard line and his face grim, “Yeah,” He tried a weak smile. “We’re almost there.” 

Dan reached down and gave Phil’s hand a gentle squeeze from where it was gripping to his knee, running his thumb along his knuckles and not bring attention to how clammy Phil’s palm felt under his fingers. He let go a moment later, but slouched into Phil’s side, offering him as much comforting contact that he could without drawing suspicion from their driver. 

When they reached their destination, the last road Dan expected them to turn onto is a long, winding cobblestone one that snaked through willow trees and endless expanses of green grass. And the last sight he expected to see as they wound their way further down was the large, beautiful mansion with classic architecture and Corinthian columns, sat in front of gardens and elaborate fountains at the end of the property, tall, silent, and shadowed by the midday clouds.

“Holy shit,” Dan whispered under his breath, his nose pressed up against the window, staring at the sight before him with wide eyes.

They eased into the roundabout that lay before the enormous expanse of stairs and entryway, large marble vases overflowing with roses and ivy sitting on either side of them, their leaves rolling in on the edges, trying to escape from the chill in the air. It was even more enormous up close, and more beautiful, and Dan stared with a full dropped jaw at the balconies and archways, the house standing proud against as scenic backdrop of rolling green hills.

He heard Phil shuffle from beside him, barely registering the sound of the car door opening and then shutting again a moment later. Voices came from behind the car and Dan was able to tear his eyes away long enough to see the driver talking to Phil as he popped open the boot of the car to retrieve their luggage. He turned back in his seat and pulled the handle of the door, swinging it open. Dan’s shoes crunched on the rocks under his feet when he finally emerged from the car as the driver was placing the last of their bags next to the back wheel. Phil stood with his hands on his hips, looking up and the enormous structure, with his chest puffed out, stretching his back, a flush of colour back in his cheeks. 

“This isn’t a house. It’s a bloody museum.” Dan whispered, afraid to speak any louder and ruin peace settled around them. 

Phil turned to him with a small smile before looking back up to his grandparent’s home, something akin to nostalgia glazing his eyes. Dan was admiring Phil’s expression, which was arguably more fascinating that the building in front of them, when the driver cleared his throat unceremoniously, effectively destroying the peace Dan had been fighting to preserve. Phil blinked back whatever thoughts were entertaining his mind and breathed in deep, spinning towards the driver and fishing into his pockets for his wallet. Their driver accepted the money and bid the boys farewell before climbing back into the cab and driving away. 

Phil started to collect his things from the pile of bags and Dan rushed over to do the same, swinging his backpack over his shoulder and dragging his duffle bag after Phil’s small suitcase. They climbed the steps and stopped outside the large oak doorway as Phil selected the correct key from his keychain and slid it easily into the lock, giving it a quick turn. The door swung open on its hinges, creaking slightly and sending a shiver down Dan’s spine. 

Inside the house was exactly what you would imagine it would be judging from the exterior. The front door opened up to a grand staircase with a delicately curved railing, the type you would expect a princess to walk down. The wheels of their suitcases on the rich hardwood floors sent echoes bounding through the limitless ceilings with exposed wooden beams and over the priceless artworks that were hung at every turn, the foyer smelling of wilted flowers and faded cologne. Dan followed closely behind Phil, trying his best to take in every inch of the house’s immaculate beauty. Phil led him to the left, a small hallway opening up to the most extravagantly decorated room Dan had ever seen. Soft woven rugs covered the floors, plush chestnut brown chesterfield sofas surrounded a wood-burning fireplace and a grand chandelier hung in the centre of the ceiling. Dan watched, transfixed and Phil wandered further into the room sliding his palm along the thick, embroidered curtains that covered every window. 

“So…” Phil’s voice cracked slightly and he stopped to clear his throat before continuing, “This is the sitting room.” 

“Of course. Why not have a room just for sitting? It’s not like you could sit in any other room in this house.” Phil smiled at that and it seemed to banish whatever sadness was creeping in at the edge of his eyes. 

Phil nodded towards a different room, gesturing for Dan to follow him. “This is the dining room.”  
Again, a magnificent chandelier hung above a large oak table, the walls peppered with renaissance paintings, multiple vases on the mantle of another fireplace that sat on the far wall of the room. Phil then led Dan to the kitchen, not at all any less stunning or extravagant than the two rooms before; marble countertops, chef-style ovens, polished wooden cabinets and a massive island in the centre. Phil also showed Dan the living room (which was very similar to the sitting room, only this one had a television), and the conservatory. Next was the study. No, not the office. _The study._ Floor to ceiling bookshelves lined three of the four walls, a heavy wooden desk sat in front of a large window that looked out into the garden’s beyond, a crimson red rug covered most of the floor, the hardwood only just peaking out from around it’s edges. So far, Dan liked this room best. Despite being such a large home, each room felt warm and cosy, the small family photos that balanced on the shelves or the folded up newspaper that sat on the edge of one of the kitchen counters, a small crayon drawing on the skirting board of the lounge room that seemed to have been done by a young child all made the enormous house feel more like a home. 

“There are six bedrooms.” Phil informed him as they lugged their bags up the steps. “There are two on the right and four on the left. My grandparents have the master bedroom, obviously, but you’re welcome to any of the others.” 

Phil dropped his things at the first door they came to, “My room.” He explained quickly with a shrug when Dan gave him a quizzical look.

Dan decided to take the room next to Phil. He had just started to unpack his things, his suitcase laid open on the plush feather down quilt of the bed when Phil popped his head around the doorjamb. Dan just had time to look up before Phil was running towards the bed, leaping up into the air and flopping down face first with a large sigh. He watched him with a fond smile as Phil rolled onto his side and propped his head up with his hand,

“So… what do you want to do?” 

“I was going to finish my reading so I don’t have to worry about it later.” Dan said truthfully, no matter how much it pained him to do so. 

Phil groaned and fell backwards onto the bed, “Boring!”

“Believe me, I know.” Dan deadpanned, joining Phil on the bed. 

“How long do you think it will take?” Phil whined, sounding more and more like a child. 

“I don’t know… like an hour?”

“An hour?!” Phil screeched, “I did not bring you all the way to the country so you could spend it ready a law textbook.” 

“It’s not even midday.” Dan chuckled, “We can spend all afternoon together.” 

Phil kicked his legs and swished his arms in a mini tantrum, his fist hitting the duvet and sending little dust particles dancing into the air. His eyes flickered up to Dan’s, now a striking blue and Dan didn’t know how he’d never realised the way Phil’s eyes changed colour before. After Phil could see his fuss had no effect on Dan except for the small smile that seemed ever-present on his lips, Phil groaned and dragged himself off the bed. 

“I hope you know I’m very upset about this.” Phil glowered, pointing a long bony finger in Dan’s direction. 

“Noted.” Dan said in the most monotone voice he could muster. 

Phil groaned again, and once more for good measure before he left the room, dragging his feet and whining the whole time. Dan pulled his textbook from his bag and made himself comfortable at the head of the beg, faintly hearing Phil call from the hallway,

“If you need me, I’ll be watching TV.”

With one more fond smile and a shake of his head, Dan opened his book and began to read. 

~*~

“Phil? Why do you have a picture of an ostrich taped to your head?” Dan asked, attempting to sound nonchalant rather than incredulous.

“I’m trying to engage with my inner spirituality and it’s not an ostrich, it’s an emu.” Phil replied calmly, cracking one eye open. 

He was sitting on the floor in the middle of the living room with his legs crossed, eyes closed and hands in some kind of Buddhist prayer position. His bare feet were almost purple so lord knows how long the idiot had been sitting there.

Dan’s eyebrow rose even higher, nearly touching his hairline, “By taping a picture of an emu to your head?”

“I didn’t have a feather,” Phil shrugged, as though this was an obvious explanation, “Now shush, you’re tainting my vibe.”

“Tainting your vibe…?” Dan repeated faintly, wondering if his friend had finally cracked, “Phil, you have been watching way too much TV. Come on, let’s go for a walk; it’s been too long since I’ve been able to breathe fresh air.”

Phil’s eyes snapped open and he suddenly grinned, like a maniac, “Okay!” Then he was up on his feet and dashing for his shoes, leaving Dan standing there feeling like he had just been conned.

Phil skidded around the corner a minute later adorning warm clothing; his socked feet sliding on the polished wood and he almost smacked into the wall. He’d even pulled on a maroon beanie and a set of gloves. Dan frowned down at Phil’s black gloved as he slipped on his own shoes, but he didn’t bother arguing with Phil about it not being cool enough outside for gloves. 

Phil all but ran out the front door, leaving Dan shaking his head with a roll of his eyes in his wake. They had set off down the drive, Dan having to jog to catch up to Phil, who was swiftly walking away from the house, towards the road and nearly losing his footing on the moss-covered paving stones in his haste. 

Their pace, set by Phil, was too fast for any talking (despite Dan’s whiny protests to slow down) and, although it was only a 600m stretch, they were a little out of breath by the time they reached the end of the long winding driveway and to the secluded street. The lane was a long, narrow road, winding past some large farms and down through typical English countryside into the woods. Around them the hedgerows and trees were barren, losing their leaves as the season prepared to change to winter, and glistening with frost. Maybe Phil was right to wear gloves. 

Underfoot, the fallen leaves crunched noisily under their boots. It was only about one in the afternoon but the sky hung overcast and dull in true autumn fashion. They slowed down to a more sedate amble, walking side by side, their sleeves occasionally brushing. Phil was the one to start up a conversation and Dan felt like he shouldn’t be surprised when the first words that came out of Phil’s mouth were, a slightly breathless, “Did you know that pandas prefer to sleep and eat over mating?” 

“Same.” Dan mumbled under his breath and earning a quizzical look to be shot in his direction. “No, I didn’t know that.” He said a little louder. 

“I was watching a documentary about pandas yesterday on the Discovery Channel.” Phil shrugged. “It was really fascinating.” 

And thus the floodgate of random panda facts Phil had been bottling up was opened and they began to pour out of his mouth. Dan listened indulgently, occasionally making a comment or a confirmative noise. It was five minutes of Dan kicking a stray pebble down the road and Phil trying to recreate the eleven different grunting sounds that pandas made, until Phil’s guttural snorting suddenly cut short and he was running over to a field to the left of the road. 

Before Dan could stop him, Phil stuck his hand through one of the field gates so that he could pet one of the cows grazing by the fence. Most people would stop to pet a horse, but not Phil; he liked cows. The cows didn’t seem to mind the attention and Dan was half tempted to take a snapshot to post to Facebook with a stupid caption. However, he found he was too distracted watching his friend to search for his mobile. His heart grew warm as he listened to Phil coo to the cattle like they were babies and feed them handfuls of almost-frozen grass. Somehow Phil managed to convince him to feed the cows too and as the nearest one tickled his palm with it’s mouth, he wondered if he would have ever fed a cow like this if he hadn’t met Phil. Probably not. He wasn’t sure if he liked the idea of cow drool on his hands.

Eventually, Phil was distracted by a friendly bird and they continued their amble up the street, finally reaching the edge of the trees. They took the northwest trail, which would take them on a loop through the woods. It was surprisingly noisy in the woods; with the birds tweeting, tree branches creaking and the symphony of other odd sounds you seem to find in a forest. Their conversation moved from pandas (thankfully) the universe. 

Again, it was Phil who brought it up, “Do you ever think of all the galaxies floating around in the universe? What are they doing up there?”

“I guess they’re going what we’re doing;” Dan said with a shrug, spinning to face Phil to elaborate, “hurdling toward inevitable demise. It might not be today or for a million year, or even a billion years, but at some stage the stars with implode or go supernova and everything that we know and even the things that we don’t know will be destroyed.”

“Wow… that was dark.” Phil chuckled uneasily, stopping and turning around to face Dan. The movement swept his fringe into his eyes and Phil blew it out again with a quick puff from his lips. “I was hoping you’d say something about aliens, not that the whole universe is doomed.”

Dan laughed as Phil’s eyes searched his own in mild concern and confusion. With a shrug of his right shoulder and a simple rise of his eyebrows, Dan said, “Nothing lasts forever. Not even the universe.”

“You’re so cynical!” Phil groaned, shaking his head mournfully and knocking his fringe back into his eyes. He fumbled with it with his gloved hands but did little more than flatten it against his forehead. 

Dan shook his own head with a fond smile as he watched Phil struggle to fix his hair with clumsy fingers. After a particular heartstring-plucking pout, Dan pulled his hands out from the comfortable warmth of his coat pockets.

“Hold still,” he said, stepping forward, right into Phil’s space, and tucked his friend’s fringe back under his hat.

“Thanks,” Phil said quietly.

Dan froze as he realised they were standing really, really close and he could actually feel the heat from Phil’s body. It made his senses shiver and, as he took in a deep breath, he got a whiff of Phil’s aftershave. It was surprisingly sweet and Dan’s heart skipped a beat. Wow, he thought, Phil really did have a smattering of freckles on his nose and really long eyelashes.

“Oh,” Phil said softly, making Dan blink. He stared as Phil’s gaze lifted up; catching his breath when those bright blue orbs met his but rose up further and further, Phil tilting his head back, exposing the long column of his neck. Dan looked up too.

“Oh,” he echoed as a small drop of rain splattered against his forehead. It was initially cold but quickly warmed up on his skin and slid down to his temple and into his hair. 

The next one hit his eyelash, the third into his right eye. He blinked the cold wetness away and lowered his head, using the knuckle of his middle finger to wipe it away. Phil was still looking up and now had his mouth open, his tongue trying to catch a raindrop. It was, hands down, the most adorable thing Dan had ever seen.

Phil suddenly lowered his head too, tongue back in his mouth, and he looked back at Dan with the toothiest grin possible. His face was just lit up in wonder and it was kind of breath taking. Dan stared, almost cross-eyed, as a large raindrop landed on the tip of Phil’s nose and slowly dripped down the side of his nostril. He couldn’t help himself, not with Phil looking so adorable and smelling so sweet and feeling so warm, he reached out his thumb and brushed it away along his cheekbone. Phil’s nose was slightly red from the cold and his breath puffed out between them in wispy white clouds. Without realising what he was doing, Dan dipped forward and rubbed their noses together. 

Phil breathed in quietly at the contact but didn’t move and Dan, stuttering internally at how pleasant it felt to rub noses with him (and cold) and did it again and again. In the back of his mind somewhere, Dan thoughts that if anything could last forever, anything in the universe, he would want it to but this moment because, yes, Phil’s nose was cold and his breath smelled like sweet coffee and this felt way too nice to be normal… and that was when Dan realised it wasn’t normal. He pulled back, slowly. Phil’s eyes were wide.

“Uh…” Dan said, his heart suddenly thumping against his ribcage. Holy shit, what the hell had he just done? Why had he just done that? And was there any chance the ground could open up and swallow him to save him from this embarrassment? 

“Did…?” Phil stuttered, still gaping disbelievingly, “Did you just give me an… Eskimo kiss?”

“Uh…” Dan wanted to say ‘No! That’s just a figment of your warped imagination. I would never do a thing like that!’ but all that came out was, “Yeah?”

“Uh huh,” Phil said faintly and Dan wanted him to blink. The wide-eyed staring was starting to make him anxious.

“Okay?” Asked Dan, starting to fidget with his coat pockets.

“Um… yeah,” Phil replied, sounding a little dazed, “it was… different…” he swallowed loudly, “you’ve never done that before.”

Dan shrugged, “I like to keep you guessing. Come on, let’s keep walking.”

~*~

They fell through the front door; giggling and dripping water everywhere, about two hours later. As they crossed the threshold, Dan staggered under the weight of Phil on his back and carefully let him slide to the ground. The encrusted mud under Phil’s boots skittered across the wooden floor and his sodden hat finally slipped off and dropped into one of their wet footprints. What had started as a few drops of rain had turned quickly into a storm, and they’d taken full advantage of it. Water fights, jumping in puddles, and sledging on their bums down embankments, the whole shebang. At one point Phil had tackled Dan to the ground in a field by jumping on his back. Dan had received a face full of grass and retaliated by rolling over and starting a wrestling match, which morphed into ripping out the soggy grass trying to shove it down each other’s backs. They were now soaking wet, frozen to the bone but completely and utterly exhilarated. 

Dan shook out his hair in the foyer, splattering Phil with a mixture of water and mud droplets. They both still had large smiles on their faces as they shrugged out of their heavy coats, the material hitting the floor with a wet thud. Phil knocked his shoulder into Dan’s and Dan pushed him back, enough to make his feet stumble as they made their way to different bathrooms. Phil trotted upstairs to one of the bathrooms on the second floor, while Dan opted for the bathroom just off the study to clean up, not as happy to be trudging muddy footprints through the house as Phil was. 

It wasn’t until the bathroom door closed behind him that Dan gripped his cheeks with his hands and sank slowly to the floor. He let out a shaky breath and finally allowed himself to react to the day’s proceedings. At once his heart started pounding. That moment in the woods, that wonderful, gorgeous moment when he had leaned in and Phil had let him. Dan wasn’t sure if he was going to kiss him, but he really, really, wanted to. In fact, it had kind of felt like missing a step when he hadn’t, but Dan wasn’t sure if Phil saw him in any other light other than friendly, after all, he hadn’t implied any sort of romantic feelings towards Dan, other than being overly touchy with him. Still, the eskimo kiss thing had been… his heart skipped a beat… maybe even more intimate than a proper kiss. His cheeks flushed just thinking about it. 

He squeezed his eyes shut tighter and whined, dropping his head down and lacing his fingers together behind his head. This could potentially be a huge disaster in the making.

~*~

Dan was on the verge of sleep, his eyes were heavy and his breathing was deep, the pillow under his head impossibly soft, being lulled to sleep by the rhythmic sound of heavy rain pattering against the roof. His dreams waited to greet him, embrace him in warmth and light. 

Suddenly, the bone-vibrating rumble of thunder shook the house and Dan’s eyes flew open in fright, watching as light flickered in his room before being plunged back into darkness. With a tired whine and his heart calming from where it was fighting to break free from his ribcage, Dan rolled away from the light, hugging his pillow close to his chest and burying his nose into the soft fabric. 

Behind his eyelids, Dan’s vision blinked with red as another flash of lightning sent a strobe of white light around his room and Dan winced slightly, readying himself for the boom of thunder that was to explode a moment later. The panes of glass shook in the window frames as thunder cracked deafeningly above the house. Through the strident sounds of the storm, Dan heard his phone vibrate against the bedside table, then again and again. 

Dan cracked open one of his eyes open to see his phone illuminating the room between flashes of lighting. He considered ignoring it, but it continued to irradiate and vibrate every few seconds, refusing to let Dan dismiss the messages. With a weary groan, Dan logrolled across the bed until he could reach his phone, recoiling away from the brightness that flashed in his eyes when he picked it up.

First, Dan noticed the time: 1:28am. He rubbed at his eyes with his balled up fist before looking at the messages that continued to pop up and vibrate in his palm. He currently had six… now seven… eight messages from Phil. 

Phil  
1:26am  
_Dan…_

Phil  
1:26am  
_Are you awake?_

Phil  
1:26am  
_I don’t know how you would be able to sleep through this…_

Phil  
1:27am  
_I don’t like the thunder_

Phil  
1:27am  
_Dan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Phil  
1:28am  
_How are you sleeping right now?!?!?!1!!_

Phil  
1:28am  
_It’s really loud_

Phil  
1:28am  
_I don’t like it_

Dan squinted at the messages, reading them over a few times in order for his sleep-logged brain to comprehend the words. He flopped back onto the mattress with a sigh, his arms outstretched and his phone continuing to buzz in his hand. After a moment of deliberation, Dan crawled out of the warm confines of his bed (looking back on it, Dan would realise that his sleepy logic was deeply flawed and not at all well thought out). Using the bright display of his phone as a light, Dan’s bare feet padded over the cool floorboards, his chilled air brushing over his naked chest and sending a shiver from his neck to the base of his spine. Dan reached where his bag was laying on the floor with clothes spilling out and he reached for the t-shirt that was sitting atop the haphazard pile, slipping it over his head as another roar of sound boomed at the same time a brilliant light shone around his room.

With his phone held out in front of him to light the way, Dan tiptoed out of his room and into the dark hall. He crept silently to the room next to his own, not bothering to knock before he opened the door and poked his head into the gap. What Dan saw was impossibly endearing and quietly amusing; Phil was laying in the centre of the bed, the sheets and blankets pulled up over his head and the unmistakable glow of Phil’s phone illuminated from under the covers and lighting the room with a soft glow. 

“Phil!” Dan whispered from the doorway, his voice being drowned out by the sheets of rain that were coming down almost deafeningly loud.

Dan pressed his face against the cool wood of the door for a moment and shut his eyes in exhaustion, his deep sigh going unheard, even to himself. Still guided by the light of his phone, Dan slipped into the room and shut the door quietly behind him. Dan’s tired body swayed as he made his way over to the trembling figure under the blankets. 

Dan had to put one knee on the bed to lean over and place his hand on what he assumed was Phil’s shoulder, “Phil.”

Instantly, Phil ripped the blanked off of his head, his eyes wide and his breathing rapid, his hair a disheveled mess atop his head. His frightened eyes searched for where Dan was still bending towards him, his eyebrows raised in tired suspense and his shoulders dropped with relief as recognition flooded his features. 

“You scared me!” He didn’t think he’s ever seen Phil’s eyes wider. 

“Sorry,” Dan said in a tone that suggested anything but, “Scooch over.” 

Phil did as he was told, shuffling to the far side of the bed as Dan dropped his phone onto the bedside table and climbed under the blankets. The mattress bounced slightly as he made himself comfortable, his shoulder flush with Phil’s and he could feel the heat radiating from the body next to him. It was warm and comforting. 

“Don’t like storms, huh?” Dan asked through a yawn, not bothering to raise his hand to cover it. 

Phil shook his head; Dan knew this because he felt the movement more than saw it. As if to prove his point, a new flash of lighting descends on the room followed by another earsplitting clap of thunder that reverberated on the walls. Dan watched as the strobe of light lit up Phil’s petrified face, a frightened squeal coming from somewhere in the back of his throat and his hand flew down to cling onto Dan’s. Phil’s grip was almost painfully tight, but Dan didn’t pull his hand way, watching silently as the lighting faded and the room was once again blanketed in darkness. He didn’t let go right away and again, Dan didn’t make him, letting Phil cling to his thumb as if it were some sort of lifeline. 

“I… Sorry.” Phil went to take his hand away, and Dan could hear the embarrassment in his voice. 

Without thinking, Dan’s fingers recaptured Phil’s and he laced them together securely, “Don’t be sorry.” He whispered into the darkness, “You’ve helped me so many things. You’ve seen me have multiple breakdowns and stuck around for all of them. If holding your hand while you’re scared will make you feel safer, then it’s honestly the least I could do to repay you.”

Phil was quiet for a moment and Dan would have missed his voice if he hadn’t been listening so hard for it, “Thank you.”

Dan’s mouth stretched into a tired and dopy smile as he rubbed the pad of his thumb soothingly along Phil’s knuckles, his eyes slipping shut. With their fingers laced together and the heat of each other’s bodies warming their own, that is how they fell asleep. 

~*~

Dan _hated_ marimba. 

He hated it even more when it cut through the soothing and relaxing sound of rain splattering against the roof and replaced it with artificial merriment. 

The cheerful chime of his alarm that he had forgotten to turn off invaded his dreams like the Spanish inquisition, raping and pillaging all of his happy thoughts and dragging him into the cruel and harsh reality of his consciousness. Dan refused to give in; he wasn’t ready to surrender his wonderful dream where Phil was clutched to his side and breathing deeply onto his neck. With his eyes still firmly shut with the force of sheer stubbornness, Dan blindly reached out for his phone, to turn off his alarm or throw it across the room, he wasn’t sure. 

Without his power of sight, Dan was awfully impaired. His distance judgment was completely off and as he flicked his fingers out, they met nothing but the cold, hard, and unforgiving wood of the bedside table. 

“Mother fucker!” Dan instantly withdrew his hand, nursing his fingers against his chest and making over exaggerated whimpering sounds, his phone still chiming happily from it place on the table, mocking him. 

“What happened?” The sound of Phil’s voice made Dan jump, his eyelids flying open faster than they ever had before. 

Phil was on his side facing Dan, his black hair splayed out on the white pillow and one eye cracked open so he could look up at where Dan was staring down at him in shock. 

“I… uh… I hit my hand.” Dan watched as Phil’s bottom lip dropped in a sympathetic pout, one of his hand reaching across Dan’s chest to place his palm on top of Dan’s in a way Dan assumed was supposed to be soothing. 

He held it there for a second while Dan tried to recover his will to breath, before Phil heaved himself up and stretching past Dan to reach where Dan’s phone continued to buzz sardonically. More than half of Phil’s body was lying on top of Dan’s as Dan lay there frozen to the spot, his gaze unmoving from Phil’s outstretched neck, hovering inches above his face. It wouldn’t take much for Dan to lean up and sink his teeth into the soft skin on the side of his throat. Guiltily, Dan’s mouth began to water as he watched Phil’s adams-apple dip as he swallowed, faintly registering somewhere in the back of his mind as the jingle from his phone cut short. 

Phil rolled off Dan and Dan instantly missed the pleasant weight, but he didn’t have time to sulk, because Phil’s hand was back on his seconds later, his finger running over the ridges of his knuckles as he shimmied closer into Dan’s side. Dan did his best to hold in his smile as Phil nuzzled at the side of Dan’s jaw and sighed contently. Maybe, Dan thought, for once reality was better than his dreams. 

When Dan woke up again, Phil was gone. 

He reached his arms above his head, holding onto the headboard and whining low in his throat as he stretched out his stiff muscles. Rain was still tapping against the roof in a sporadic rhythm, the gloomy grey skies outside making it impossible to tell that time of day it was. Dan sat up and reached for his phone, noticing the small purple bruise that had started to form under the nail of his middle finger. He frowned at it for a second before remembering Phil’s warm hand covering his own, soothingly stroking his fingers. Suddenly the butterflies that has set flight in his chest squashed the niggling pain in his hand, his frown turning into a goofy smile and he looked down to his phone. _10:16am._

A fairly reasonable hour, Dan decided. 

With a heave of effort, Dan shuffled out of bed, beginning his journey to try to find Phil in the massive maze of a house. Dan pocketed his phone and took Phil’s maroon hoodie off the back of the armchair in the corner of the room and slipped it on, smelling undeniably of Phil and sending Dan’s butterflies into another frenzy. His fingers played with the zipper, pulling it up and down the few inches over his chest as he trotted down the stairs, the faint sound of tinkling piano keys ringing in his ears. Dan found Phil on the ground floor somewhere towards the back of the house, a room where nothing but a grand piano sat in the center of the floor, a wood-burning fireplace smoldering in the corner adjacent to an entire wall of glass. The floor to ceiling windows opened the room to the miserable drizzle from outside, the skies dark and grey, the rolling hills sodden and barely visible behind the sheets of rain. It was beautiful.

Phil was sitting at the piano, using his pointer finger to press random keys to create a frankly terrible melody. He hadn’t noticed Dan enter the room, too captivated by the discordant tune he was creating, his eyes closed and his lips parted. Dan didn’t dare disturb the pleasing scene in front of him, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning his weight into the doorjamb as he continued to watch Phil in fascination. Phil must have sensed he was being watched, because after a few more notes plucked from ivory keys, he glanced up towards Dan, his expression surprised, but not alarmed. 

“Good morning.” Phil smiled bright and Dan’s heart melted that little bit more. 

“Morning.” Dan greeted as he pushed himself off the doorjamb and walked further into the room.

Phil shuffled over on the piano stool to make room for him and Dan slid onto the stool ungracefully, falling into Phil and if anyone asked about it later, Dan would say it was an accident. They both giggled as Dan righted himself, still keeping the side of his body pressed against Phil’s as he ran his fingers along the keys. 

“Do you play?” Asked Dan, looking over to where Phil’s face scrunched up and he shook his head slightly.

Dan’s bare feet pressed down on the pedals, experimenting. His fingers lay out over the keys as he began to play a short, sweet melody; the first song his piano teacher had ever taught him. Dan was a little rusty, his fingers sometimes finding the wrong keys and he would laugh to himself and Phil would smile encouragingly and nudge him with his shoulder. When the melody faded into the empty air as Dan’s fingers slid over the last of the keys, Phil applauded happily from beside him, a smile splitting onto Dan’s face a pink blush lighting his cheeks from the attention. 

“Would you like me to teach you?” Dan offered quietly, looking up at Phil from under his eyelashes. 

Phil nodded and made a confirmative sound, his hands flying up to the keys, waiting for Dan’s instruction. 

“Okay,” Dan reached over to arrange Phil’s fingers, leaving them lightly resting on the correct keys before mimicking his position on the opposite end of the piano. “So press down your middle finger on you left hand, then your ring finger on your right hand and then your index finger on you right hand.” 

Phil did as he was told, looking up at Dan for confirmation when he was finished. 

“Excellent. Now you need to move your hands up,” Dan reached over Phil’s body to take his left wrist and move his fingers up the keys, his fingers lingering over his pulse for a little longer than necessary. “Yep. Good. Now it’s one,” He demonstrated with his own fingers pressing down the keys, “two,” he pressed a different note, “three… Got it?” 

Phil nodded and copied the movement. 

“Okay, now put it all together.” Dan did it first to show Phil, placing his hands in his lap when he was finished and looking over to Phil expectantly. 

Phil cleared his throat, sitting up slightly straighter on the bench and placing his fingers elegantly on the keys, but not the keys Dan had showed him. Dan was about to correct him, his mouth open and his words waiting on his tongue, when Phil started to play. Dan instantly recognized the score as Beethoven’s Für Elise. Confusion flooded his features as he watched in bewilderment as Phil played it perfectly, his fingers not faulting once. Dan sat silently, his mouth hanging open as his eyes flicked from watching Phil’s hands to studying his profile before flicking back down to his fingers.  
The music once again dwindled into silence and Dan continued to sit there, stunned. A large smile erupted on Phil’s face as he laced his fingers in front of his chest and turned to Dan with his shoulders pressed up to his ears. 

“You said you didn’t play.” Dan said in a voice akin to awe. 

“I had a great teacher.” Phil smiled cheekily and knocked his shoulder against Dan’s. “And I don’t play… I _can_ play, but I choose not to.” 

“I… I can’t believe you tricked me!” Dan’s eyes went wide and he shoved Phil back playfully, the sound of Phil laughing even more beautiful than the music he played. 

Dan’s fingers poked into Phil’s ribs, making Phil laugh even louder, his head thrown back as he tried to catch Dan’s insistent fingers. Phil managed to break free, sliding off the edged of the bench and Dan dived forward to catch him, but he wasn’t fast enough. With a manic giggle, Phil fled the room, his sock covered feet pounding on the hardwood floors as he made his escape, Dan hot on his heals. 

~*~

The following Monday, Dan was walking around in somewhat of a daze, the events from the weekend lifting his spirit to new heights. He couldn’t remember ever having been this happy. 

Dan had just finished his last lecture for the day and he slung his bag over his shoulder as he piled out of the building with the mass of students in his class. The small smile that seemed ever-present on his face that earned his strange looks as people passed him, stayed firmly in tact as he fished his phone out of his pocket, seeing Phil’s name pop up along with a bunch of unread messages. None of them were anything of importance, but they still made Dan smile like and idiot as he read through Phil’s ramblings. 

The sun was beginning to set, painting the sky in different shades of pinks and purples, the slight chill in the air settling in, readying for the night. Dan’s thumb hovered over the screen of his phone as he typed out a message to Phil, answering a few of his questions and finishing with an offer to get pizza and hang out. Dan routinely glanced up quickly to make sure he wasn’t about to run into a person or a pole while he walked with his attention buried in his phone. The campus was mostly empty, but when Dan looked up, his heart faltered and his smile grew even wider. 

Phil was standing in the middle of the path a little further along with his hands tucked into the pockets of his jacket and looking up at the molten-coloured sky. Dan exited out of the message and pocketed his phone; he may as well ask him in person considering he was 30 metres away. Sticking his tongue out to wet his lips, Dan opened his mouth to call out Phil’s name, his feet picking up their pace in giddy excitement. Before Dan got the chance to free Phil’s name from where it seemed to always sit on the tip of his tongue, another voice, unmistakably feminine, beat him to it. 

“Philip!” Dan’s mouth closed slowly as he watched as Phil looked around at the call of his name, a smile lighting his features as he saw a girl skipping towards him. 

Dan’s feet slowed, but he continued walking, watching silently as the girl ran into Phil’s outstretched arms, her feet dangling slightly off the ground. His heart constricted in jealously as they both let out a delighted laugh as Phil spun them around, using the most coordination Dan had ever seen him have which alone made Dan a even more bitter. Phil placed the girl back on the ground, her hands pulling at the hem of her dress, adjusting it from where it had ridden up slightly while Phil looked down at her fondly. When she looked back up, they smiled at each other for a moment and Dan’s blood ran cold as Phil’s hands cupped her jaw at the same time her own fingers balanced on his hips. Dan’s feet stopped walking, his heart stopped beating, his lungs stopped breathing, but he couldn’t stop watching as Phil’s face dipped down to meet hers in a kiss. 

Dan could feel his throat closing over and hurt burning at the back of his eyes. A middle-aged man and woman walked up behind the girl, the woman placing a gentle hand on the girl’s shoulder and she instantly backed away from Phil’s kiss, smiling coyly. Phil shook the man’s hand and kissed the woman on the cheek, exchanging pleasantries while Dan stood frozen like a statue, unable to process what he was seeing, his brain having skidded to a halt. The girl’s hand found Phil’s and their fingers laced together. The man gestured down the path and the group all nodded enthusiastically as Dan watched, crushed, as they literally walk off into the sunset. 

The sun that Phil had lightened every inch of Dan’s body with had turned supernova, exploding and ripping apart his body, leaving nothing but a black hole in it’s wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay love you bye

**Author's Note:**

> cry with me


End file.
